Sunday, July 03, 2005
When In The Course Of Human Events It Becomes Necessary To Mail This Crap In...
Tomorrow we as a nation celebrate the birth of our country in the traditional way, by mixing massive alcohol consumption with the handling of explosives, all under blistering summer heat conditions. If any other nation in the world needs proof that we are indeed a people specially blessed by God, they need look no further than the fact that we haven't yet all blown ourselves into festive little gooey globules of patriotic idiocy.
On this day, July the Third, I've gotten a jump on my traditional solemn celebratory ritual by sunburning myself just short of needing skin grafts. I know I shouldn't put myself through it every year, with the pain and the heat and the lack of sleep and the itching and the peeling, but by now it's expected and I can't disappoint the children.
As a national holiday tomorrow, that means cubicles will be empty and the hausfraus (like myself) will be cruelly distracted from our regular routines by the impertinent presences of our gainfully employed spouses. No humdrum everyday tedium to escape from means no blog readership and a perfect excuse to go half-ass on this entry.
In closing, I hope you'll all join me in the solemn invocation: "America... fuck yeah!"