Those Aren't Pillows!
I like Newsweek. I have a subscription. It comes to my house once per week (hence the name) and reaffirms all my leftist predispositions supplemented by some really great pictures of dead people. Every other week I do have to endure a column by George Will, but even though I've almost never agreed with anything he's had to say, he's always a good source of new vocabulary words (no great examples this week, but he did use the phrase "attenuated legitimacy", which was fun).

Imagine my horror then when I saw a little story in the Periscope section about this:

That's right. The Cuddle Party.

And they're organized. They even have a website.

For about $30 you can lay around in platonic, snuggly bliss with a dozen of your closest... complete and total strangers.

It's sweeping the nation, apparently if by "sweeping" I mean "exists" and "the nation" we take as "enclaves of old rotting hippies and their moondoggie scions."

This sounds great, but really, it can only perpetuate the international perception that Americans are lazy. Never mind that it's not true and that per capita Americans spend more hours at work than any other industrialized people, but I must say in our defense--check that, in the exact opposite of whatever "our defense" is--we do tend to take alot of shortcuts. Fast food, drive-through (sorry, drive-thru) everything, ATMs, even yogurt. We can't even sit down and eat a cup of yogurt, we have to make Go-gurt, yogurt for people "on-the-go".

And now we have drive-thru intimacy. Hooray us. No more time wasted getting to know people to the point of familiarity where we might actually be able to touch them, no. Just pay your money and jump on the pile.

And by the way, I've seen enough 1970s porn to know an orgy when I see one and that's an orgy. Except with all that felt and flannel happening it's more like an orgy on Sesame Street and there, I just creeped myself out.

Sure they say "no dry humping", but how many tents are being pitched in that wretched pile of humanity? And what would they say if I show up in my "Home Of The Whopper" peek-a-boo boxers and one of those novelty t-shirts with muscles on the front?

The grossest thing about it is that this is the worst ever example of hippie capitalism I've ever seen. "Free love" apparently now costs $30 when, back around 1968 it was... well, free. There's inflation for you. And dry humping was not only OK, but encouraged. You got alot more bang for your buck, so to speak.

All in all though, this isn't really a pastime for people like me, with kids and a mortgage and lots of stuff that needs to get done. I don't have time for hours of fruitless foreplay that costs me money. If I give a hooker $30, we skip the foreplay altogether and get right to the fruit. Which is a better deal? I ask you.


This post on the Narcissus Scale: 1.895


Pops

- posted by Pops @ 11:59 AM