Wednesday, December 29, 2004
All Request Wednesday
I set a bunch of arbitrary rules for myself when I started this blog. Luckily for me I've forgotten most of them, leaving me free to sell out on a variety of levels for your mocking entertainment.

Without being quite sure, I think I've broken every single one of them so far. It's not easy posting every single day, but psychological compulsion compels me (hence the name, yes?) and I have no choice.

So at first when I was directly invited to fill out one of those viral questionnaire things I was horrified. Horrified. Indignant. Repulsed. Did I say "horrified"? Horrified.

And then I started thinking about what I was going to post today. Frankly, I got nothing. I could have posted the answers to the questionnaire in Steph's comments window, but then I'd be depriving myself of a space-sucking blog post.

Necessity is the mother of invention. Lesser known to most people is that it is also the mother of desperation, pandering, shoddy workmanship and dignity-erosion in service of a goal, whatever it might be. It's how reality TV was born. Not only did it open the door to every low-rent bad idea whose only redeeming quality is that it wouldn't require the hiring of a writing staff, it also drives people to eat pig rectums and live spiders in exchange for the chance to perhaps eventually win some money to go with their split-second of TV face-time.

Come to that, I think those circulating blog questions lists are sort of the reality TV of blogs. They seem like chunky bits of voyeuristic pleasure giving you insight into other people's lives, but really it's all cheap editing tricks where the blogger gets to be the hero.

It's annoying when people protest something right before they do it, isn't it?

But I've been told I've "jumped the shark" anyway, so fuck it.

Three Names You Go By: Pops, Mr. Pops, Assface (Mrs. Pops only)

Three Screennames You Have: Pops, MrPops, LordValkorDeathKillerzzzz6969

Three Things You Like About Yourself: I never blink during photos, abnormally large hands, above-average personal hygiene

Three Things You Dislike About Yourself: I tell lies, no I don't, yes I do. I'm also indecisive.

Three Parts of Your Heritage: alcoholism, tuna-noodle-casserole, club-foot

Three Things That Scare You: scary movies, scary books, scary TV shows

Three of Your Everyday Essentials: food, water, air (this is possibly the easiest question I've ever been asked)

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now: flannel pajama pants, cape, Catholic guilt

Three of Your Favorite Bands/Artists (at the moment): John Denver, Neil Diamond, ABBA

Three of Your Favorite Songs at Present: I can't think of a John Denver song title. "Sweet Caroline", Neil Diamond. "Dancing Queen", ABBA.

Three New Things You Want to Try in the Next 12 Months: sloth, gluttony, pride

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (love is a given): lust, greed, envy, anger (didn't want to stop one Deadly Sin short)

Two Truths and a Lie: This is true. This is true. This is true.

Three Physical Things About the Opposite Sex (or same) That Appeal to You: left breast, right breast, vagina

Three Things You Just Can't Do: floss properly (apparently), abide foreigners, reproduce (anymore)

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies: flossing, assaulting foreigners, reproducing

Three Things You Want to Do Really Badly Right Now: find my authentic self, hit rock bottom, stop the shame spiral

Three Careers You're Considering: ice cream taster, Female Body Inspector, INS agent

Three Places You Want to Go on Vacation: home, my room, bed

Three Kids' Names: really, just three random kids' names? OK, Gretchen, Phoebe and... oh, I don't know, Nigel.

Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die: breathe alot, fly unaided by technology, googlewhack

Three People You Want to Take this Quiz: Gandhi, Cloris Leachman, Harvey Korman.

What should I be more embarrassed by: the fact that I participated or my complete inability to make a sincere effort at anything? I knew my paranoid schizophrenia would get me in to trouble one day.

I welcome your scorn.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: [system temporarily offline due to unexpectedly high volume]


I commend you for making arbitrary rules for a thing such a a blog, then deciding to ignore them just appear productive. Good answers, though it would have been better with some more MPH references.
Man, reading that quiz was like the blogpost equivalent of watching a kid forced to swallow castor oil. Still, given your natural aversion to the task, it was pretty damn funny. So, are you really fixed?
MPH: I knew there was something missing. I guess "Assface" is sort of an oblique reference to you, couldn't it be?

Steph: I was broken in many ways before Mrs. Pops found me and "fixed" me. I'm sorry, is that not what you meant?

Also, it's your fault I'm going to be binging on Ben & Jerry's-plus-creme de menthe cocktails (I call it a "Shamrock Shame Float") for the next two days. My soul is bruised.
"fly unaided by technology" (has me laughing still). And the 3 physical traits are also killing me. I just posted my list (Steph, it is all your fault) and cheated by dating it for Thursday even though it is still Wednesday. Shit, I need to go to bed.
Using my sharply honed detective skills, I have deduced that Anonymous is in fact the wily SJ. I have elected not to make fun of you just because my blog refuses to remember you. Although you tend to make strong impressions on people, apparently the same cannot be said about faceless, emotionless technology.

And don't worry about "cheating". Your blog, your world. It has no physics but the physics you give it.
You are correct, Holmes. I was unintentionally Anonymous.
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