Cost-Benefit Analysis
My oldest found an old infant's hat in his toybox. For fun he tried it on the head of my youngest, age 15 months (the oldest is 62 1/2 months). It didn't fit him. Not even close.

It struck me suddenly that there will be no more little boys to pass our clothes and toys down to. This is a problem as our entire financial solvency has relied almost exclusively in the last three-plus years on the concept of Resource Renewal.

Three years ago we had our second kid. It was then we realized that while a first child is ruinously expensive, the second (especially if the gender is the same/close enough to the first) is practically free. You already have all the crap you need to clothe it, feed it, lock it down if it's bothering you, etc.

Imagine our good fortune at getting three of a kind across the board in the Great Procreation Slot Machine. It's been a cruise, really.

But now the youngest (and steps have been taken to assure he will be the last, barring Biblical intervention) is starting to outgrow the first sets of clothes and toys set aside specifically for him.

This is causing me no end of distress. The only logical course of action I can think of to solve this potential economic disaster: Get rid of the youngest and replace him with a smaller one.

This will be no small feat. When we bought our last child on the Mexican black market (and they charge through the nose for gringo children with blue eyes) we assumed it would be the last time we would have to do that.

But now we're looking at giving away/burning piles and piles of now-obsolete clothes and toys that we paid good money for. Does this make sense to anyone else?

No, I've spent nearly 8 minutes thinking this through and getting rid of the youngest and replacing him with a much smaller child is the only viable option. The cost of procuring a new kid in the short term is easily cancelled out by the long-term savings of reusing the same clothes and equipment.

I can't wait to tell my wife. She's always worried about money, being the only one in this family who draws an income. She'll be ecstatic.

Getting a new kid is easy (been there, etc.). The sticky part is what to do with the old one. I'd rather not get all the judgmental looks and long lectures if I tried to pawn him off on a family member or a friend.

The only other option that comes to mind is eBay. Can you sell people on eBay? Well, I know you can't sell people but how strict are they in enforcing that rule? I'm sure if I explained to them my situation they'd be sympathetic, wouldn't they? And maybe I'll offer to kick in a little on their end to cover, you know, "expenses".

The other obvious downside is that you become quite attached to the little sprogs, especially when they're around all the time. The good news is that the bonding process with new children is almost instantaneous, so I'm sure we'll forget about the old one in due course.

I know it sounds harsh, but we have the rest of the family to think of. I'd try to get rid of the older one (he just keeps growing, no matter how little I feed him), but he can talk. He could probably pick me out of a mug book too.


This post on the Narcissus Scale: 2.25


Pops

- posted by Pops @ 11:49 AM