I'm probably a Communist
Confession time.

I like soccer.

This is something that simply should not be. I am disqualified as a soccer fan in the US as I am a) male and b) over the age of 13. Unless I can say with non-creepy sincerity that I'd like to grow up to be Mia Hamm someday, fußball ist verboten. Add this to the fact that I think NASCAR is retarded and the only conclusion most of the country could reasonably reach is that I'm most likely a homosexual as well.

But seriously, with regard to NASCAR and all other motorsports, if you need a machine to help you do it, it is not a sport. The answer invariably is "Hey son, it ain't easy drivin' them cars. It gets powerful hot in there, not to mention tirin' with all that sweatin' n' drivin' and mindin' the other drivers YEEEE-HAW!" (A curious note: Not only is the hypothetical speaker a hayseed stereotype, but he is also apparently from the 19th century and "Hee-Haw" at the same time). My only answer to that is What's harder, driving around a 1-mile track or running around it? Engines and a place to sit are cheating, that's all I'm saying.

Speaking of stereotypes, I know what the non-soccer-watching half of America thinks of those of us who partake (and by "half" I mean "wide unassailable majority). They think we're namby-pamby, effete and Eurotrashy. They would assume I drive a convertible Fiat, pull my hair into a greasy ponytail, wear garish sharkskin blazers sans shirt in the Continental (read: smelly) style, moccasins without socks, Speedo at the beach, etc.

In my defense, only several of those are true.

The fact of the matter is--another confession--I am supremely susceptible to hype. I love it. Most of the time I prefer hype to the actual product being hyped. I find it endlessly fascinating how anything about to be introduced (soap, soda, movies, presidential candidates) are invariably "THE BEST EVER!" or, if not entirely new, then "NEW AND IMPROVED!" Some things, one would imagine, after being NEW AND IMPROVED! enough over the decades should by now be approaching perfection, but alas, repackaging persists.

What was I talking about? Oh yes, hype. It was the hype for the 1994 World Cup right here in the good ole US of A that done me in. When I first heard it was coming, I thought what everyone else thought: "Soccer's for fags." That's what you think when you're 20 years old. It just happens. But those sneaky advertisers and their tricks sucked me in and next thing I know I'm watching the final (Brazil vs. Italy at the Rose Bowl), screaming at my TV and jumping up and down.

I have shame.

But it's been done and now here I am. Unamerican and emasculated. I knew who David Beckham was before he married (and turned in to) a Spice Girl. I understand the Offside rule. I got Dish Network for my TV specifically because it carries Fox Sports World which is apparently "America's Soccer Channel". God help me I love it.

Why did I bring this up? Why, you ask? Why? Well, I... er... um...

OH YEAH! Major League Soccer decided this week to add another team to Los Angeles. An offshoot of and owned by a Mexican team, Chivas of Guadalajara. The idea is to tap into the enormous Mexican fanbase that has remained frustratingly under the surface for the still-fledgling MLS. The further idea is to create a rivalry (and we all know how easy that is) with the extant LA Galaxy.

Wow, when I first decided to write about this it seemed alot more interesting. I had some really witty things to say about it, but I just realized my own hobbies are my own hobbies and blogs about one's favorite sports and/or teams are difficult to pull off. OK, they're stone dull.

So back to those Euros and their slimy inferiorness. What's with that?


This post on the Narcissus Scale: 7.2


Pops

- posted by Pops @ 11:43 AM