It's (Un)Official
Wow, good news all around. It looks like non-Illinois resident Alan Keyes will accept the invitation of the dazzling, well-organized Illinois Republican Party to run against Barack Obama for the US Senate.

And I think: With such a combination of the Illinois GOP's support and low-key, highly relatable, down-to-earth Alan Keyes style, this looks like a lock. What could possibly go wrong?

But Pops, you are asking, why do you even care? You're not from Illinois.

This is true, and well spotted by you, Hypothetical Reader. But out here in California, after the trauma of the gubernatorial recall last year all we have to look forward to is a stale, tired Senate race between an incumbent sure to win in Barbara Boxer vs. a cookie-cutter California Republican by the name of Bill Jones.

White guy, lots of money, hates criminals, etc. That's really all you need to be a GOP candidate in this state. The real emphasis (besides the white and lots of money) is on the hates criminals. For most people, this is simply a given. Me personally, I would characterize myself as against crime and prefer not to associate with criminals, especially when they are in the act of committing a crime.

But if you're a California Republican, this must be the core of your existence. You must hate criminals and not be afraid to say it. The same way Clinton-era Democrats used to talk about how much they liked clean water. It seems so obvious, but if you say it enough times, it sounds so deadly serious, as though it were just possible that your opponent was pro-criminal or anti-drinking water.

A second absolute necessity for California Republicans (or fourth if you're still counting white male and wealthy... FIFTH, that makes this the fifth then) is that you must describe yourself as a rancher . Bill Jones does this twice in his autobiography page of his website. We can all blame this on Reagan. The Old Gipper on his stupid horse wearing his stupid cowboy hat, fixing stupid fences and clearing stupid brush. It's got fuck-all to do with governance, but it has become a prerequisite image. That's where I give Gov. Arnie credit as his homes are usually described as "compounds" in the Kennedy fashion.

But the beauty of California politics is that the old tired labels generally don't apply. If Bill Jones wants to criticize Boxer's record as an unabashed liberal, he's welcome to, but it won't matter. Between the nearly unassailable incumbency rates for Senators and Congressmen... Congresspersons... Congresspeople... and the fact that except for Arnie and his Special Circumstances, there are no Republicans in statewide office in this state, it's all pretty much academic. Kerry is up by double digits here.

Cakewalk. Snooze.

So that's why Alan Keyes is interesting to me. Not only is a man of such moral rectitude and forthright religious certitude completely contradicting the statements he made vs. carpetbagging with regard to Hillary (see sites like Demagogue if you want to be bothered with "quotes" and "evidence"), but he's exactly what this country needs right now: a good old fashioned heap o' crazy.

He's a Catholic. I'm a Catholic. He's Harvard educated and a former ambassador. I am not and not again. In many ways Alan Keyes is a much better human being than I am. But for all his eloquence and rhetorical bluster, he's a Culture War candidate, which severely limits his appeal. I base this on his record in the presidential primaries four years ago when he spent all his time pointing out the inconsistencies in the positions taken by his opponents on social issues, followed by a lot of frothy-mouthed, sanctimonious self-beatification.

Run Alan, Run! It will give me something to watch for the next three months. You know, other than that whole president thing.


This post on the Narcissus Scale: 5.6


Pops

- posted by Pops @ 12:42 PM