Panhandling
I kept reading over the last couple of days about how hard it was to get out of New Orleans, how people were going like 30 miles in 9 hours because of the rush to evacuate ahead of Hurricane Ivan. Then yesterday I was reading about how they were bracing for the storm in Mobile, AL and all along the central Gulf Coast because Ivan was favoring that side.

And then oh! Look out! Right turn! Florida! Again!

I feel for the people of Pensacola. And for the people from the areas hit by Charley and Frances.

And now here comes Hurricane Jeanne. The news reports all say it could go here, it could go there, but come on. Who are we kidding really? I know it's going to Florida. You know it's going to Florida. The only question is how many trailers will it take out when it hits? Trailers really should be illegal in Florida. Not only do people lose their homes, but the contents get whipped away, spread over three states. Think of it: there must be rebel flags and velvet paintings of Elvis scattered everywhere down there. But at least they don't have to worry about flying shoes.

Before you condemn me as an elitist snob, please consider: 1) I am an elitist snob and 2) I used to live in a trailer park. So it's not the trailers I sneer at so much as southern redneckery, which frankly has it coming.

I know how the people of Florida feel. There was a period of time in the 1990s when California would be on the news every two weeks with some new natural disaster, from earthquakes to torrential rains (damn you, el niño!) to mudslides to rampant wildfires to that time Roseanne sang the national anthem at a San Diego Padres game. That last one alone cost the local economy $1.4 billion and left over 80,000 people homeless.

I can understand why God hated us then (and probably still does now). We're California. One big hedonistic bacchanal on the Left Coast. How He must loathe our crazy cosmopolitan ways as we mix openly with gays and minorities. Being honest, we really kind of had it coming.

But Florida is all mosquitos, refugees, retirees and no mountains. What could they have possibly done to upset God?

I think I've figured it out. Lots of damage is being caused, but the death tolls (while tragic) have been in the low-double-digits. There can only be one explanation: God is after the Nader voters. I haven't figured out if it's the Nader voters from 2000 or the people who stubbornly plan to vote for him this year, but I think I see God working. His ways aren't always so mysterious.

Sorry if this is shorter and less droning than usual, but it's laundry day and I gotta get moving.


This post on the Narcissus Scale: 3.8

- posted by Pops @ 9:47 AM