Sing It If You Know It
I'm absolutley fascinated by the idea of artists selling out. It's a morbid fascination, I admit. Something about dropping the vail of "integrity" (a dubious idea anyway, in some media more than others) as they partner up with corporations to sell Pepsi or hamburgers or computer operating systems or something.

So it was with great enthusiasm that I greeted my first viewing of the new Apple iPod commercial featuring Irish world-saving crusader band U2. So that's what Bono is doing when he's not lobbying the UN to forgive third-world debt; he's shilling for multi-billion dollar global corporations.

Don't get the wrong idea from this post, I actually like U2. Not as much as Mrs. Pops, but as megalomaniacal/sanctimonious Irish people go, they're all right. About 3 years ago we drove through a horrendous rainstorm to see them live at the Staples Center in downtown LA (about 40 miles northwest of here). Local novelty act No Doubt opened for them that night. It was such a good show it almost justified the $20 parking fee.

Anyway, the Apple iPod spot features U2's new song "Vertigo". It starts with four words in Spanish.

Uno... dos... tres... catorce!

Now, I don't speak Spanish, but living in California, I am armed with a cobbled-together Cali pidgin Spanglish we all get by on. I can ask where the library is on any street corner from here to Buenos Aires. My competencies established, I will translate the U2 line:

One... two... three... fourteen!

I'll say that again.

One... two... three... fourteen.

Fourteen? Really?

I'm sure there's some arcane, inside-hipster reason for jumping 4 through 13, but for the life of me I will never know what it is.

For the edification of my Southerners, Midwesterners and For'ners reading this who may not know, the Spanish word for "four" is chupacabras. Tell your friends you learned something today.

About that song "Vertigo", though, I have a question: why does it sound exactly like Madonna's "Ray of Light"? And why is there a U2 song--any U2 song--that is inferior to a Madonna song? Any Madonna song, not just the one it rips off?

I'm not much of a Madonna fan. Most of her songs are stupid and tuneless, bland music over cheerless lyrics meant primarily to titillate or shock (is "Like A Virgin" the worst song ever? It just might be). She did put out one pretty good album though, the best song of which U2 has chosen to steal. So at least they exercised some discernment when plagiarizing.

When we saw U2 live that one time, it occured to me that all their songs start exactly the same way. "The Edge" (what's wrong with the name Dave Evans, I ask you) breaks out with that modulating electric guitar jangle. As you hear the songs played in random order from all across the band's body of work, you find yourself waiting for a chorus before you can discern "I Will Follow" from "New Years Day".

Other bands where all their songs sound the same: Social Distorition, The Cult, INXS. Sometimes I can listen to an entire INXS song and still not be sure which one I just heard. I don't know if that has anything to do with why their lead singer killed himself, but you have to wonder.

And for the record (har har), the actual Worst Song Ever is "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" by Smashing Pumpkins. I had to Google the lyrics to get the title and now that I know it's something so faux-poetically pretentious, I hate it even more. Billy Corgan has the most disgusting voice ever.

It's even worse than that horrid "proud to be an American" song from the first Gulf War. The whole soundtrack from that war sucked ass. Now Vietnam, that was a war well served by its music.


This post on the Narcissus Scale: 5.6


Pops

- posted by Pops @ 9:32 AM