Ruination
We took the whole day off yesterday. The kids never got out of their pajamas. Mrs. Pops made some cookies. I spent the day putting batteries into things in between test-shots from my new Robert Downey Jr. Heroin Addict Starter Kit™ my mom sent me from Illinois. One hypodermic, a spoon, a lighter, a cotton ball and a little black balloon. Don't judge my mom, she's not trying to kill me; she's just looking forward to the detox when she knows I'll "need" her. It gives her purpose and I'm happy to help.

A full day of nothing. The bliss of opiate-induced fog. Things were really looking up yesterday. Joy to the world, peace on earth, all that stuff.

And then I have to read about earthquake and tsunami in Asia. Tens of thousands of people killed, the survivors living in a horror show of floating, decomposing bodies washing up on shore and tainting the drinking water. Human suffering on the most massive of scales. These Asians and all their goddamn hardship really put a crimp in my vacation.

I mean really, don't they have any sense of the moment? This is hardly the time of year for this kind of thing, really. We're supposed to be ignoring the usual stories about disappointing holiday sales figures, box offices grosses, human interest stories about bum-sicles on American city streets and American soldiers blowing up in Iraq. These are the kind of stories that fit neatly into the regular background noise of Christmas, a comfortable combination of banality and awfulness that I can easily digest along with my leftover ham.

It's obvious to me that the biggest problem with all these tsunami-ravaged Asian countries is that they don't celebrate Christmas at all. If they did, they would have known to wait to have their disaster at least until all the major college bowl games are over. If they were really smart they would have waited until that activity after the Super Bowl but before March Madness. They might even have gotten some decent donations out of it.

But no, they insist on honoring their non-Christian pantheons with their non-Christian holidays, never once wishing each other "Merry Christmas" and instead getting all washed into the sea just in time to mess with my post-holiday joy buzz.

Thanks. Thanks a lot. First you give us SARS, now this. Asia, Asia, Asia...

Of course it's just possible that my mood was affected by the outcome of the Chargers-Colts game on Sunday, but really, that seems so shallow. Although I will say in my defense it was freakin' 31-16 in the fourth goddamn quarter and yet still somehow they let the Colts win. I mean come on, 31-16. You can't eat up a little clock or something? Kick one lousy field goal? Defend against a kickoff run-back?

No no, I'm sure it's the Asia tidal wave thing. It has to be. Otherwise I'm a callow dullard of a stereotype. And we all know that can't be true.


This post on the Narcissus Scale: 7.2


Pops

- posted by Pops @ 12:37 AM