Sunday, January 09, 2005
 
Creationism
This post is somewhat late. That is because I am now writing it on my fancy new home-built computer. It uses the same old beige case, but somehow it just looks sparklier and brighter.

The key words to explain the delay are, as you might guess, "home built". I have a brother-in-law who mumbles when he talks, is afraid of girls and rarely showers. This means he is something of an expert in all things computers. I bought all my constituent components on Saturday and then bribed him with pizza and awaited sparkly, bright newness to wash over my household.

When he left four hours later, my sparkly, bright new hunk of useless silicon laughed at our hubris. It actually laughed.

Or at least it would have if the fucking thing were at all capable of any kind of goddamn function.

So I trundled back to my local PC Club (which is, hard to believe, even dorkier than it sounds) so that I might be scolded and yelled at by a 14 year old halitosis-afflicted Super Tech dude.

Long story short, it works now. I would also like to say the person who thought up the oh-so-fancy RAID (uh... something something Independent Drive... I forget) technology that is supposed to do... something or other is, to be blunt, a fucker. They put that shit right on your motherboard and you're just supposed to know what it does and how not to make it fuck up your new computer. Bastards and their goddamn "improvements".

Time was a fella could wander in to his local Dork Squad office, gather a few components and cobble together a working PC. Apparently in the intervening four years since I last had to put one of these together, things have gotten infinitely more complicated. Seeing as my wife is an electrical engineer at a tech company, this is where I stop bitching because "infinitely more complicated" is currently paying for my house.

So like the first human who harnessed fire, the first who threw down his crude stone tools in favor of crude iron tools, the first who threw down his horse and picked up a railroad engine, the first frutstrated housewife who tossed aside her worn-down vibrator in favor of a complicated forty-piece masturbation machine (sorry no link, the pictures were just too nasty... google it yourself if you're that curious), I have cast aside my 933 MHz mule-drawn wagon in favor of a sleek, sophisticated mule-drawn 3.0 GHz monstrosity.

Also I am the last computer-using human being in the Western Hemisphere to switch from Windows 98 to XP. At last, my computer has vaulted into 2001.

Planned obsolescense, here we come!

Sorry it wasn't that interesting, but you see, I've got gaming to get to now.

Yes, I'm a sad specimen.


This post on the Narcissus Scale: 9.995


Pops

Comments:
Beige box. Way to go, Pops. All mine are home-built, and they work real good at least half the time.
 
With all your new technology and Windows XP, I see you are still unable to make your blog stop stripping people of their identities, thus Larrry Jones is the latest Anonymous.

Also, 'halitosis afflicted Super Tech'--HAH!
 
Hey! I'm not anonymous! Maybe I pressed the wrong button. Story of my life...
 
AKA Larry: I can't actually build them anymore, at least not without help. Back when there were only PCI slots and IDE ports I was fine. Now apparently I know just enough about computers to really really break them if I try.

SJ: It's all the new security features of my XP. Not only does it strip you of your identity, but it steals a little tiny bit of your soul every time you leave a comment.

I swear this XP thing is actually more surly and condescending than the Super Tech dude. It chides me, like, every five minutes for something and always asks "Are you sure you want to do that everytime I click... well, anything. It's only a matter of time before it lures me outside and then shuts the airlock on me.
 
Don't judge a computer by its case, that's the motto I live by.
 
Er... no offense Steph, but your motto kinda sucks. Try something more uplifting like "Let a smile be your umbrella" or "If this van's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'"
 
Post a Comment

<< Home
|

Powered by Blogger