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About Me
- Name: Pops
- Location: The 951, California, United States
I'm very interesting. I would describe myself as witty and insightful, but that wouldn't make either true. I have two degrees in history from the least prestigious University of California campuses. As a result, I stay home full time with my kids. If anyone can think of anything useful to do with a history MA, please don't hesitate to share.
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Monday, January 17, 2005
I Have This Dream Where I'm Being Chased By Giant Gay Government-Created Spider Monkeys
I'm going to keep this short since I was so longwinded yesterday. Plus it's a day off for my kid, so I've got lots of ass-sitting to get to.
"Ass-sitting" as opposed to sitting with any other part of your body, I guess.
On Meet the Press yesterday they showed a clip of Martin Luther King during an appearance from 1967. Mostly we as latter-day Americans are only shown his great long speeches full of prepared rhetorical splendor. I was quite pleased to see the man on the old clip, looking relaxed and unrehearsed, speaking with great ease, the "preacher voice" turned off. When asked straightforward questions he would give beautifully structured, well-reasoned, focused, complicated, eloquent answers.
Here on the eve of the second Bush inaugural, it kind of makes you want to put a gun in your mouth. Is it possible that after a full year of Bush-Kerry I'd forgotten people like that actually existed?
And then this morning, in the America of 2005, the America that puts Dr. King and his legacy on par with Washington and Lincoln and the Super Bowl and nobody else whose birthday is celebrated as a national holiday, I woke up to find a story with this headline:
Pentagon Spurned Plan to Initiate Enemy Homosexuality.
Can we claim it's part of Dr. King's message of "love thy neighbor"? "Kill them with kindness"? Nah, you're probably right.
I guess I should be grateful that the Pentagon rejected the idea of developing a drug that makes dudes want to fuck other dudes, but I think we all know why they did. What if--horror of horrors--in, say, a free Iraq some of these drug-induced gay Iraqis wanted to marry each other?
Best not to think of it.
I do think they missed an opportunity though. It could have been the first weapons program that paid for itself. All they would have to do is make it in pill form and sell it to gay nightclub operators (not nightclub operators who are gay but operators of nightclubs who cater to a largely homosexual clientele... am I being patronizing again? Sorry), give it a cool name (sorry, Ecstasy is taken) and distribute. We'd be raking in dough hand(job) over fist(ing).
Although I guess it's possible it would be ignored completely in a club packed to the rafters with natural (read: free) male sex drive seeking out other natural male sex drive.
I have a question though: if they reasonably thought they could make an agent to heighten homosexual desires in a population of men, doesn't that suggest that the government knows a hell of a lot more about the biology of homosexuality than they're letting on?
I'm just asking.
This is probably the most inappropriate MLK Day post ever. My apologies to the King family.
Keep hope alive!
No, that's Jesse Jackson. Sorry again. I'm not very good at this.
This post on the Narcissus Scale: 4.0
Pops
- posted by Pops @ 10:04 AM
Comments:
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Just when I think I've come to grips with the stupidity of the American government, I read something like this plan to initiate enemy homosexuality. But wouldn't it have been extra-hilarious if the vat of whatever "gay potion" they were cooking up sprung a leak and it ended up making the whole Pentagon gay? That would be poetic justice of highest order. Why can't they make a movie about that?
# posted by 
: 1/17/2005 10:27 AM
: 1/17/2005 10:27 AM
sorry for all the cussing. I should save that for my own blog, huh?
(I'm still fucking angry though.)
(I'm still fucking angry though.)
Take it easy, SJ. It's not what you think. This chemical weapon wasn't supposed to make the enemy gay. It was supposed to make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other. Then, of course, they would engage in unspeakable abominations with each other, but THEY WOULDN'T LIKE IT. Thus, enemy morale would be ruined. Like all unspeakable abominators, they wouldn't be ready when our strong, straight soldiers attacked them. They'd be angry, confused, ashamed and unwilling to take orders from their own commanders, many of whom they had only recently been -- say it with me -- committing unspeakable abominations with.
Also, it should be noted that there is no evidence that any money was spent on this idea, probably because IT IS A STUPID, CRACKPOT SCHEME. On the other hand, think of the peacetime potential of a drug that could make folks sexually irresistible to each other. I wouldn't need any, but I'd certainly put some in Gwyneth's coffee. Come to think of it, I'll bet the guy who proposed this goofy idea was hoping that the government would actually develop a Love Potion, which he would then steal and slip to his lady love. It would have worked, too, EXCEPT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A LOVE POTION.
Sorry Pops. This went on too long. It won't happen again.
Also, it should be noted that there is no evidence that any money was spent on this idea, probably because IT IS A STUPID, CRACKPOT SCHEME. On the other hand, think of the peacetime potential of a drug that could make folks sexually irresistible to each other. I wouldn't need any, but I'd certainly put some in Gwyneth's coffee. Come to think of it, I'll bet the guy who proposed this goofy idea was hoping that the government would actually develop a Love Potion, which he would then steal and slip to his lady love. It would have worked, too, EXCEPT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A LOVE POTION.
Sorry Pops. This went on too long. It won't happen again.
Steph: I think the Big Gay Pentagon is Michael Moore's next project. Look for it.
SJ: Actually, the report said the ORIGINAL idea was from 1994, so it wasn't Bush's people trying to make gayness happen, it was Swingin' Bill Clinton trying out his worldwide brotherhood initiative Peace Through Fucking.
And did you just apologize for swearing on my blog?
Larry: Length-of-ramble is not one of the few restrictions I put on comments. Go on, work up a good blather. We'll read it.
I don't know that this idea isn't sort of redundant though. Do you think Iraqi soldiers would need something to make them sexually irresistable? Have you seen that guy who's supposed to be ex-Republican Guard on that show Lost? I'm not ashamed to say he's fucking hot. If they all look like that, it's probably Shower Time 24/7 at the Iraqi Army barracks.
SJ: Actually, the report said the ORIGINAL idea was from 1994, so it wasn't Bush's people trying to make gayness happen, it was Swingin' Bill Clinton trying out his worldwide brotherhood initiative Peace Through Fucking.
And did you just apologize for swearing on my blog?
Larry: Length-of-ramble is not one of the few restrictions I put on comments. Go on, work up a good blather. We'll read it.
I don't know that this idea isn't sort of redundant though. Do you think Iraqi soldiers would need something to make them sexually irresistable? Have you seen that guy who's supposed to be ex-Republican Guard on that show Lost? I'm not ashamed to say he's fucking hot. If they all look like that, it's probably Shower Time 24/7 at the Iraqi Army barracks.
(Just checking back to see comments about my comments.). Larry Jones and Pops, I know that the report was just that, an "idea" but I'm beginning to turn into Oliver Stone and think the whole thing was completely made up--especially the 1994 part.
I will bet anything that before 6 months have passed, we will hear some right wing talk show pundit (Anne Coulter?) or some religious cretin (Falwell?) saying something to the effect of "If it's not a choice, then how come the government funded research into a GAY POTION?" or words to that effect. I'm just saying that now that this is out there, we will be hearing it again and again from the insane right. We will. Mark my words. Shit, they'll PAY people to bring it up again.
I will bet anything that before 6 months have passed, we will hear some right wing talk show pundit (Anne Coulter?) or some religious cretin (Falwell?) saying something to the effect of "If it's not a choice, then how come the government funded research into a GAY POTION?" or words to that effect. I'm just saying that now that this is out there, we will be hearing it again and again from the insane right. We will. Mark my words. Shit, they'll PAY people to bring it up again.
SJ: I forgot to wish you and yours down there in 'Bama a happy happy Robert E. Lee's Birthday.
And just so the Republican Wing-Nut Conservative Christian Fringe knows, I can be bought. If I get Armstrong Williams money I will pimp your product like it's never been pimped before. I'll make Ralph Reed look like Ralph Nader.
MPH: I wouldn't dream of challenging The Master in a Tasteless-Off.
And just so the Republican Wing-Nut Conservative Christian Fringe knows, I can be bought. If I get Armstrong Williams money I will pimp your product like it's never been pimped before. I'll make Ralph Reed look like Ralph Nader.
MPH: I wouldn't dream of challenging The Master in a Tasteless-Off.
Wait, I'm confused. Wouldn't the ability to create a drug that would induce homosexual attraction illustrate that homosexuality has a biological basis, not disprove it? Because when the hormone oxytocin was discovered to create a psycho-chemical bond between mothers and their newborns during breast-feeding, nurses began encouraging new mothers to breastfeed immediately to enhance maternal attachment. That's sort of like injecting women with oxytocin to augment a preexisting biological disposition. Wouldn't gay love potion be the same? Drugs can only affect you via chemical pathways, so that must mean that there are preexisting pathways for homosexual attraction in all humans and gay love potion would, like, set them on fire.
Funny, yes. Vast right-wing conspiracy? I think not.
--Rita
Funny, yes. Vast right-wing conspiracy? I think not.
--Rita
# posted by : 1/17/2005 7:25 PM
: 1/17/2005 7:25 PM
Well, I think Rita just guaranteed herself a visit by the Feds for blowing this thing wide open...
# posted by : 1/17/2005 8:22 PM
: 1/17/2005 8:22 PM
Rita,
The story is that the Pentagon REJECTED the proposal. At no time did anyone even consider that producing such a weapon was possible. There may be a conspiracy. This is not the proof of it.
The story is that the Pentagon REJECTED the proposal. At no time did anyone even consider that producing such a weapon was possible. There may be a conspiracy. This is not the proof of it.
Rita, Master of All Academic Disciplines: First of all, a very brave comment. If the Humanities Police find out you wrote something that included the words "oxytocin" and "chemical pathways", they will immediately confiscate all your books and make you do equations for the rest of your life. Tread carefully.
And second, I'm totally using your argument when I get invited on Hardball. I don't really understand it since it's all science-y, but that's never been a pre-requisite for making arguments on Hardball.
And third, mostly for future reference, you gotta give us something on this Right Wing Conspiracy thing. We couldn't have "the CIA invented crack and then sold it to black people" or "Republican hate squads are tearing up ballots in minority districts". Hell, we couldn't even make "the Right are out to nail Bill Clinton by any means necessary" stick and that was totally true.
So come on. Give us a little break. We saved you from Alan Keyes. You owe us.
Steph: Nah, she's a Republican. The Feds just give them all the benefit of the doubt.
Larry: Whoa, sorry. Not talking to me. Disregard.
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And second, I'm totally using your argument when I get invited on Hardball. I don't really understand it since it's all science-y, but that's never been a pre-requisite for making arguments on Hardball.
And third, mostly for future reference, you gotta give us something on this Right Wing Conspiracy thing. We couldn't have "the CIA invented crack and then sold it to black people" or "Republican hate squads are tearing up ballots in minority districts". Hell, we couldn't even make "the Right are out to nail Bill Clinton by any means necessary" stick and that was totally true.
So come on. Give us a little break. We saved you from Alan Keyes. You owe us.
Steph: Nah, she's a Republican. The Feds just give them all the benefit of the doubt.
Larry: Whoa, sorry. Not talking to me. Disregard.
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