Monday, February 21, 2005
My Prediction? Pain
Finally, I'm #1. If any of you were to search for Pope sucks apples in a bucket, Google would return this blog as the #1 result.

Of course whomever made such a silly search was obviously looking for my blog anyway, so I guess I can't take too much pride in it. There can be no other earthly explanation for that search.

Also: does anyone who reads this know what happened to my Virtual Pus? It's one of the political sites that I read (over there--> under Liberalia) and it seems to have gone missing.

Being a left wing blogger, I'm supposed to write something about how awful it is that the President admitted that he smoked pot. The tapes were made secretly by a friend who then decided to share them with broadcast media.

Yes it shows he's an image-first, politics-above-all-else, rationalization-is-the-same-as-truth special kind of Texas aristocrat. But did anyone not know that already? Honestly?

This quote here:

"I don't want any kid doing what I tried to do 30 years ago," Bush said in recordings made when he was governor of Texas and aired Monday on ABC's "Good Morning America." "And I mean that. It doesn't matter if it's LSD, cocaine, pot, any of those things, because if I answer one, then there will be another one. And I just am not going to answer those questions. And it may cost me the election."

Yeah, I guess we can infer he's tried them all and he's made the choice to publicly lie about it knowing full well that it was for purely political reasons. Great. Wonderful.

Now we know two things: 1) President Smirky McChimpy is capable of making astute (if obvious) political judgments and 2) the idiot "liberal media" is either not liberal enough or run by moronic incompetents. Come on, how much did we have to hear about Clinton's marijuana use in 1992? This guy's got coke, LSD and pot and they couldn't get him on one. All we had were some half-assed rumors in 2000 that no one could find any way to substantiate. Not to mention the fact that the guy got a pass on being a fall-down drunk.

Nah, it's just depressing.

Besides, how am I supposed to concentrate when I hear that Die Hard 4.0 is in the works? Apparently Bruce Willis gets zapped by a magic laser, broken down into digital bits and then is trapped inside a computer being used by terrorists to steal gold from a plane on top of a building. Ned Beatty is set to co-star, I think.

Let me just be clear: I don't need Die Hard 4. I also don't need--while we're sharing--Rocky VI, Rambo IV or Terminator 4. Come to that, I didn't need Rocky IV or V, Rambo II or III or Terminator 3. What the hell was Rocky V about again? Did anybody see that? No Mr. T in it, so I couldn't have cared that much at the time.

What the hell is the matter with Sylvester Stallone, anyway? He did Cop Land in 1997 and everyone thought "Oh, he's going to finally try to be an actor again". But then... nothing. It's all crappy vanity projects. I'm not the only person who realizes that the man's only made two good movies in his whole career, right? Rocky and First Blood. End of list. That's not nearly enough. In fact, he owes us for subjecting the world to such awful horseshit as Rhinestone and Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot and Judge Dredd and Cobra and Over the Top and Oscar... basically everything in his IMDb listing.

I have no idea how to end this post. Since my last one ran over into this morning by 11 minutes, this is technically my second posting of the day, which is frankly more than most of you deserve.

I post six times a week. They can't all be golden.

This blah on the blah blah thingy: Blah.blah


I disagree with Die Hard 4. I'd love to see it. Multiple times, even though it could never be as good as the original, I'd still like to see it. #2 was okay because of Dennis Franz. #3 a bit better because of bad mutha Samuel L. But I love me some John McClane.

And yeah! Stallone was never REALLY a boxer, people. He pretended to be one in many films. He's doing a reality boxing show now. As If!
DIIIIIEEEEE HARRRDDDDDD!!!!! Yippy kye aye motherfucker! Woo Hoo! John McClane is the bomb!
SJ: Nobody's a bigger Samuel Jackson fan than I am, but I don't see how on any standard people can claim that the last Die Hard was a good movie. Sure, it wasn't the ventilation-system-crawl retread that Die Hard 2 was, but that was one contrived-ass plot. Bo-ring.

Also, forgot to honorable-mention the Lethal Weapon films, 2 through 4. Useless and useless and useless again.

MPH: No no, the red-and-white liquid canister thingies were "the bomb", remember? McClane was the cop with the headache played by Bruce Willis.
I am a fan of Leathal Weapon 2 and 3. The fourth - not so much. Number 2 did have the best opening to an action movie ever. It also had the best Danny Glover with a numb ass scene ever.
You didn't like the cinematic masterpiece that was Rambo? Pure Classic.
One of my old boyfriends tried to make me watch Cop Land. I nearly died. I'm pretty sure that was the day we broke up too. Good Riddens.
MPH: The opening of LW2 was good, I'll grant you, but the whole South African thing, plus they turn out to have killed his wife instead of her dying by random accident... it was just no good.

B: No, Rambo was terrible. That was the beginning of the one-man-vs.-hundreds movies where the one man wins. And then Die Hard came along and fixed that awful formula by actually being awesome.

Di: Sounds like a total loser. Could have been worse, though. He could have tried to make you watch Judge Dredd.
Bush is a total hypocrite.
Stallone can't act his way out of a paper bag and neither can Arnold S. for that matter. What a waste of money on those hyped-up violence oriented films!
Lets see more of guys like Al Pacino. Now there's an amazing actor!
Pops, you forgot to mention (and rip apart) my favorite Stallone films: Tango & Cash and Demolitian Man. Simply categorizing them under "his IMDb listing" is not sufficient. These films need attention for their horribleness. Don't let me down now...

I only give a shout out to Cliffhanger because it inspired the hilarious raccoon scene at the beginning of Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls. The rest of that movie was shit, but the raccoon rescue was pure cinematic magic.
Wynn: NEW READER! Welcome.

Pacino is only good in about 50% of his films. It depends if he's Shouty Al (Scent of a Woman) or Quiet Al (Donnie Brasco, The Godfather).

Very much looking forward to seeing him as Shylock in Merchant of Venice.

Jess: Tango & Cash gets a pass for introducing people my age to the word "FUBAR".
Why oh why must there be a Die Hard 4.0? 4.0, for god's sake!! It takes the term "gratuitous sequel" to a whole new level. I'm giving this imminent piece of shite a wide berth.
Steph shares my distaste for sequelitis, therefore she wins the Best Comment of the Post award. Congratulations.
How did Terminator 3 manage to find itself on your bad list? Come on, computer software that is hell bent on destroying its maker? That's just too realistic to ignore.

As a nerdy computer engineer, I pronounce Terminator 3 and 4 should be treated as survival manuals. Just wait -- it will happen.
Being 100% honest Robert, I didn't see T3, mostly because they insisted on calling it "T3". And also robot from future come to kill John Connor and Arnold is also sent back to protect him... well, it just sounded kinda... familiar.
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