Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Is It Too Small? Go On, You Won't Hurt My Feelings. Seriously, I Want To Know.

UPDATE #2: All seems to be well now. One more victory for the power of J. F. Christ.

UPDATE/NOTICE: Stupid Blogger is not patching through the Comments properly for this post. It keeps putting up an error message. Blogger Comments (as most of you probably know) have been sketchy as all hell over the last few days, so I'm assuming this has something to do with that, but I'm not ruling out the possibility that it is All My Fault.

Here's hoping Re-Publishing this post for this update magically fixes the problem. I have also been "praying" (see below).

Thanks for your patience and continued patronage.

And no, I'm still not switching to HaloScan.

What I'm about to say may surprise some of you. You may want to sit down to read this.

Actually, I can't think of a single reason why you wouldn't be sitting down while you read blogs. Does anyone stand and read blogs? I'm not even sure how or why that would be a good idea.

OK, let me start over.

Confession time. Here goes:

Despite the ass-kicking awesomeness of my recent mind-blowing major complete and total blog redesign, I know very little about web design.

There, I said it.

I'll give you a second to absorb the shock before I move on. Yes, there's more.

I had never heard of Cascading Style Sheets until about five days ago. I'm still not sure what they are or what they're supposed to do past pissing me off (which they do admirably and thoroughly), but I do know if you cut and paste the right code into them, you can get them to do what you want. Comprehension of the most basic functions is not required.

Mostly I'd like to thank the Lord Jesus Christ for His help in my blog redesign. Since I can't definitively tell you what I did to get the result I wanted, I figure I should play it safe and give credit to divine intervention and the power of prayer. It seems to work for NFL players.

Does it count as prayer if you scream out "Jesus fucking Christ!" when you're frustrated? I did that a lot while messing with the HTML/CSS/Whatever code over the weekend and then suddenly--poof!--it worked. Maybe it's a coincidence, but it's best not to take the chance.

Like most of my posts, the first 5-10 paragraphs are preamble to my main point, which today is this:

I've been told by some people that the font of my blogposts has become infinitesimally small and difficult to read.

With the help of some very nice readers, I've been able to deduce (mostly by them telling me) that the problem only occurs for users of the Mozilla Firefox browser. Gold Star, Bucketeers.

I've spent a few minutes this morning trying to figure out the best way to respond to this problem. The options have ranged from pretending it doesn't exist to actually trying to fix the issue.

Because the former would mean not having the option of spinning triviality into a convoluted blogpost and the latter would... well, it's just not possible, I've decided to go with Option 3.

Option 3 in this case is where I cover up my embarrassment at my complete technical ineptitude with lots of false bravado and misdirected anger at those who are experiencing difficulty that is clearly my fault.

Wish me luck. Ahem:

Suck it, Firefox users!

You and your fancy "alternative" browsers suffer as you deserve to. What kind of a masochistic contrarian goes out of their way to make life more difficult for themselves? What, you're too good for the all-encompassing benevolent embrace of Big Blue?

[Wait, Big Blue is IBM. What's Microsoft's nickname? Do they have one? If they don't have one, they should get one. Like Big M or Big Soft or Sparky...]

It's got to be some kind of hippie burn-out mentality that leads people to use anything other than Internet Explorer. What's the matter with you people? All you do is complain. "Oh, the font is too small." "Oh, IE has all kinds of disastrous security holes that can be exploited by a six-year-old and destroy my life."

Look, take off the tin-foil hats. Open the blinds on your windows every once in a while. No scary agents of a secret rogue arm of the government are waiting behind the bushes outside your house right now to kidnap and/or murder you. And you know what, if they were, there's nothing you could do about it anyway. Thought-surveillance technology exists today that not even a tin-foil hat can deflect.

Your fancy "alternative" browser isn't going to save you. Get with the mainstream. Give struggling American start-ups like Microsoft a chance, you commies. Think of the children.

And... scene.

There. Again, sorry about all this. If I had it in me to give enough of a shit to troubleshoot the problem, I would. Honestly. But "The Price is Right" comes on in like 20 minutes and dammit, I just can't get enough of those skinny microphones. Very telegenic.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 9.6


No, it's not too small. It's a "good size." Since I can read everything fine I don't care about those other people's too-small font problems. Hope the Bucket will be functioning more smoothly--have not been happy with the technical difficulties! Get cranky if I don't get my regular dose of Bucket...
Oh holy hell! The comment box opened in a little under 30 seconds. Joy of all joys. I tried HaloScan for a day. Then I came back to good old, all-American blogger comments. And I think I hate myself for that a little more every time I wait 20 minutes for the arrival of the comment box.

I used Mozilla once. Only once. Once was most definitely enough.
I like Firefox because I can tweak it to get the weather forecast, load my mp3 playlist, and check my g-mail, and update my XML newsgroups all when I log in. And it blocks pop-ups and Ad images too.

That's right, I'm a lazy bastard
Steph: Today you are my favorite commenter ever. Keep up the good work.

Jess: I think the period of time when Comments were returning an actual error message (instead of just taking forever), the people at Blogger might have been doing some kind of maintenance. Right after that it started working almost properly. It will take some adjusting to get used to.

Brent: How is doing 19 things at once "lazy"? In my house we call that "overachieving". Stop it.
I'm almost an uber-html geek (people have paid me to do websites for them. Lots of people), yet I'd never heard of CSS until I created a blog and then fiddled with it endlessly. I join your CSS-less Group. Next meeting: I'll bring coffee and javascripting for Mozilla.
Well I was standing up when you made that huge announcement (I was taking a leak . . . long story) and now I have two chipped teeth and four broken fingers. I have also found out that being Blog-Jesus does not mean you can heal yourself.
Actually, despite my complaining before, it is now back to normal. And yes, I use Mozzila. So there. But the text is now normal sized so, either you fixed it or it went away. Go you.
I use Firefox, mainly because I don't like all the viruses that are designed to attack IE. But to address the font issue...anyone who uses Firefox would know that if they press ctl and + then the font size increases. The ctl and - reduces the size of the font. Site look good.
SJ: Sounds good. I'll bring two tin cans and a length of twine and we can communicate with each other that way. Old school tech style.

MPH: No, but you can make me rise from the dead once my shoebox full of meth arrives. OK, maybe not from the dead, but I'll probably get out of my chair.

K: Check me out. Even inadvertantly, I rock.

Blue944: Hmm, informative, concise and validates my basic positions. Steph is fired. You're my new favorite commenter.
Ok, I lied a bit. I am part of a two man web solution team here in Iraq, and the solution we provide uses CSS (I can't remember if that means Custom Style Sheets or Cascaded Style Sheets). Anyway I am the guy that makes it work on the network, and Funk Beast is the guy that does the design. As a contractor, the army issues us promasks (short for protective masks, or gas masks to the layman). Perhaps I will don mine and ask FB for a class on said style sheets, and share the knowledge with everyone who isn't omniscient.
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