Tuesday, March 01, 2005
¡La Migra!
Every region has a stand-by racial group or sub-group to exploit in times of public panic or political expediency. The South has black people, Florida has Cubans, New York has... well, just about everything. In Iowa and Nebraska they are forced to resort to harassing white people who tan easily, but the idea is the same.

In medieval (OK, all historical periods) Europe, there was no plague, no economic downturn, no harsh winter that couldn't be solved with a good old fashioned pogrom directed at the local Jewish population. All two dozen of them.

Out here in California, the racial boogeyman is Mexican. Can't get money for your social program? Blame the Mexicans. Schools overcrowded? Too many Mexicans. Taxes too high? Mexicans. Unemployed? Mexicans.

Entire political careers have been made exploiting the very idea that there are Mexicans living among us and we should be afraid. And why not? They're coming. They're everywhere. They're taking over. And they're aaaaaaaall illegals. Don't believe us? Then why are all the signs in English and Mexican? Isn't this still America? When did Mexican become the official language, hmm?

Yes, in California Mexicans are the go-to minority for social scapegoating. They've been reliably providing this service since before California was even an American territory.

So it was with some great surprise and wonder when I read that the US Ambassador to Mexico was marrying the richest woman in Mexico. Finally, an example of a devious American going down to Mexico to shamelessly make his fortune at the expense of the local population. Think of all the rich, educated Mexican bachelors cursing this man's name because he took a well-paying job that rightfully belonged to a Mexican.

The role reversals are fascinating. She gets to exploit her new boy-toy for his political connections north of the border, which probably won't hurt as she operates her global empire based on beer and broadcasting. She also gets to (if she wants) exchange her elaborate, ridiculous last name of indeterminate ethnicity (Aramburuzabala) for a solid, working-class Chicano name (Garza), which will make it a lot easier to write checks. For his part, Mr. Garza will have to fend off accusations that he's an opportunist and a gold-digger, which he probably isn't, but if the new Mrs. Donald Trump has to listen to it, so does he.

Me personally, I have nothing against Mexicans, not even against the ones illegally living here. My reasons are several: 1) I am a liberal, therefore I am precluded from making public statements about specific racial groups by my internal PC Fairness Monitor 2) I don't like paying a lot of money for strawberries or oranges and 3) have you ever had chile verde tamales with a side of rice and beans?

I have.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 6.1


Pops, I think you're my new best friend. Excellent blog! :D
Mmm......rice and beans. Do they grow rice in Mexico? If they do, I sure would like to know how they get that tasty tomato/chili powder seasoning in those little grains of rice.
The best thing about having a Mexican best friend is you get invited to their big parties with lots and lots of homemade Mexican food. I reccomend finding a Mexican best friend if you do not already have one.
Dusti: Comments like that are a big step toward Commenter Of The Month.

Jess: I have no idea whether they grow rice in Mexico or not. All I know is that the nice Korean people who own the Mexican restaurant close to my house do a great job with it.

Brent: I'm going to a wedding in April between a Mexican and a Filipina. I've already been promised whole roasted goat.
The richest woman in Mexico? What's she pull in, 13 grand a year?

Oh! And the liberal PusBoy has made a politically incorrect joke about the economic status of Mexico! Whoo! I'm a writer for SNL! Whoo!

Paris Hilton! Whoo!
Well good for the US Ambassador to Mexico! Got himself a nice Sugar Madre, eh? Excellent. Maybe the rich people in Mexico have white maids--that would be awesome. As for the people blaming Mexicans for everything, they wouldn't be here if someone didn't want them and were giving them jobs--don't blame them, blame the businesses that hire them. Lametards.
Yum. Mexican food. i'd invite them all over to cook for me.
"...harassing white people who tan easily" I love that.

In fact, I love this whole post. It was much (muy) better than a George Lopez stand-up routine, and it's my penance for being un-PC about Salma Hayek (Mexican) and Penelope Cruz (Spanish, I believe) yesterday.

I think they have the whole Mexicans-as-whipping boys thing in Texas, too. Hell, it's even moved into Alabama because, you know, a good minority is hard to find.
Like I said, we're cockroaches, we're everywhere and we're bug spray resistant, take that.
Answering to you all white people from America, yes, we do grow our own rice.

And as long as you don't confuse us Mexicans from Mexico with Mexicans from Colombia, or Mexicans from Chile or Mexicans from El Salvador I'll still love you all. :)
by the way I would like to learn mexican just to spice it up a little.
If you can't find a Mexican friend just hire a Mexican to be your maid. You'll eat so much Mexican food on the first day alone that you won't have a solid shit for two weeks
Hmmm. Pienso que pensas en los Mexicanos demasiado.

Yo, en el otro lado, pienso que los Mexicanos tienen un accento horrible...

Y ojala que nadie que lee este entiende espanol. :) Perdon mis errores?

Good one. You make me laugh.
For those who don't know Spanish, I will now translate K's joke:

A Mexican and a duck walk into a bar in Texas.

"I'll have a beer," says the Mexican.

"Me too," says the duck.

The bartender, eyes wide, looks at the duck and asks, "How did you teach him to speak English?"

At least, that is what I think it said.
PusBoy: You don't get to be an SNL writer until you prove you can run a sort-of funny idea right into the ground over the course of a season. We'll have to let you know.

Steph: Dirty agribusiness billionaires! Power to the people! However you say that in Spanish!

TW: All of them? The law says you can only exploit so many at once.

SJ: Get out... there are Mexicans in 'Bama? Didn't they get the brochure?

Yoli: Mexican is a very difficult language to speak. Plus there are the dialects of California Mexican, Arizona Mexican, New Mexico Mexican and Texas Mexican... it's a daunting task and I wish you luck. As far as I can tell, they're all just like Spanish, except every third word is English.

MPH: And somehow it's always about shit. Have you been screened for colon cancer lately? I'm starting to worry.

K: Ooh! I love an opportunity to use Babelfish. Hang on... Ah, wait, I forgot. That's totally useless.

Rambuncle: To the rescue, well done.

You obviously left out the smiley thingy though. I question your entire translation effort.
Google does a pretty good job translating. Or, being that you're in CA, you could just learn to speak Mexican? Hm, how's that for a novel idea?

Just kidding. But good translation, Rambuncle.
Learn Spanish? In California? Ha! All my high-school Spanish classes were stuffed full of fluent Spanish speakers looking for an easy grade and to blow the curve for the rest of us gringos. I needed that GPA so it could later be ignored by automatic-acceptance junior college.
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