Monday, March 14, 2005
The Swirly Of Hope
Hey, does anyone know why on really windy days the water level in my toilet bowl(s) drops 1-2 inches? Are there any experts in the interaction between atmospheric turbulation and plumbing hydrodynamics who frequent this blog? I'm sure there has to be one. Thanks in advance.

Not related at all to that, I found this headline and sighed: Court Rules Against California Ban on Gay Marriage.

Woo. Great. All settled then, right? Oh wait, it will be appealed to the California Supreme Court, then taken to the voters as some kind of goddamn ballot proposition, which will then be challenged in the courts, etc.

Is there any end to this? I should be happy about the ruling and all, but come on. We all know better by now, don't we?

More importantly: is issue fatigue a new phenomenon? Did 19th century abolitionists have days where they just threw up their hands and went "You know what, keep your goddamn slaves already. I can't fucking take dealing with you people anymore"?

Sure, it's ridiculous to compare a blogger to an abolitionist (I can sit at home and type this in my underwear before I change the subject tomorrow to diapers or Britney Spears or making fun of hippies), but I wonder if the reason I'm a lazy, ADHD-afflicted disaster of a politico is because MTV has destroyed my attention span. And if so, can I sue Viacom? I don't want any money, but I would take a job as floor-sweeper at The Daily Show. OK, and some money.

One last thing before I go:

Former NAACP President Running for Senate. There once was a time when Kweisi Mfume was simply the Congressman With The Most Interesting Name, just edging out Barney Frank (D-MA) and Corinne Fellatio (R-NJ).

This is hardly a national story. Maryland is just that weird state that keeps Virginia and Pennsylvania too far apart to shoot at each other. But word-association is a dangerous thing. I started thinking Maryland... Senate... campaign... black man...

Alan Keyes!

Oh please let him run. Oh please oh please oh pleeeeease!

I'm not anywhere near Maryland and I can't really think of a single thing Mr. Keyes has ever said that I agreed with, let alone supported. So why all the excitement? For those who are new to the Bucket, I owe Alan Keyes. In this blog's infancy, Mr. Keyes and his quixotic/tragicomic campaign vs. political rock star Barack Obama in Illinois kept this toddling monstrosity-in-training afloat in the days when the Kerry-Bush conflict would flag to the point of non-buoyancy (basically all non-debate days).

Oh, to feel that surety of source material for blogposts again! The entries practically write themselves! Run Alan, run! You actually live in Maryland, so it's not like you could do worse than your shameless Illinois carpet-bagger humiliation. You might even pull double digits in this one!

This blog is now the unofficial headquarters of the Keyes for Maryland 2006 Senate campaign. For every dollar you send in in support of this effort I promise to spend one second thinking about Alan Keyes being the next senator from Maryland. Think about it: $100 can get you 1 minute, 40 seconds of positive Keyes thinking! It sounds like a bargain to me.

So in closing, I'd like to say if any of you know the answer to the wind-and-toilet-water question, please send it along post haste. Cheers.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 3.6


PS- Yes, I used "shameless" and "humiliation" in the same sentence. It doesn't seem technically possible, does it? But I figure why go to all the effort of changing it when I can write three more sentences about it.

PPS- Blogger ate my post. Here's to making anal-retentive copies as you type. Suck it, haters!


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