Monday, April 04, 2005
Blogging Is What I Do So I Don't Have To Watch Dead Bodies Being Paraded Around On TV
I don't know if you guys have heard, but the Pope died.
The news I think is starting to leak out to the general public, but I thought I'd mention it just in case something so Catholic-specific might have escaped your attention some how.
Above the banner headline in my local paper today there are four little sub-headlines teasing Pope-related stories inside the A-section. One of them reads as follows:
KISS OF GRACE: Armless Guitarist says the pontiff changed his life.
I refuse to read the article for fear it will be saccharine and "inspirational" and thus spoil the perfect headline.
In my imagination, the Pope leaned in to the Armless Guitarist to whisper in his ear "maybe the guitar isn't your instrument" and that he should maybe consider in his post-arms state something less... erm... digit-centric like the kazoo or--provided he wear a helmet--the gong.
The only way it could have been better is if the Armless Guitarist had met President Bush who would have given him a nickname like Big Shoulders or Lefty or something.
Also in Germany (and as far as I know completely unrelated to the death of the Pope) there's this story about this guy who attacked his church congregation with a sword. One person died and another person lost a hand.
This is the strongest argument for gun control I can think of. Sure one guy died, but a couple dozen others (those more than 4 feet away from the attacker) didn't.
I'm a little disappointed that this did not happen at my church if only so I could get a chance to practice my empty-hand sword-takeaway defenses I learn in my martial arts class. I totally could have kicked that guy's ass. Provided he had a two-handed Japanese sword. And attacked me in a very specific, limited way. And maybe at like half-speed (my timing needs a little work). Under all those conditions he would stand no chance against me and I could tell if I'm getting my $60/month worth.
Mostly the sword story has me feeling bad for the guy who lost his hand in the attack as there is no longer a John Paul II to tell him it's time to give up the accordion.
This post on the Narcissus Scale: 5.1