Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Today's Terror Alert Level: Blood Red
Very briefly:

Anyone else remember this magazine cover?
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The date on that one? July 30, 2001.

Anyone know what happened one month and twelve days later?

Now we have a string of stories like this running all through the news...

The conclusion is obvious. It's like the way they say dogs can detect earthquakes before they hit. Except this time it's sharks and instead of earthquakes it's an attack on American soil by foreign terrorists bent upon the destruction of our way of life.

When the sharks start to frenzy, stay out of buildings any higher than, say, seven storeys. And if you have to travel any great distance, why not drive? Even if your car gets commandeered by suicide terrorists, the worst they can do is take out a gas station mini-mart.

Oh, and probably don't go swimming in the ocean until after the inevitable catastrophic terrorist attack.

The fact that I, a lowly sub-basement-level blogger, am bringing you this information instead of the people sworn to protect us is yet another sign of the failure of the Department of Homeland Security. If they can't even put together the shark-attack/terrorism connection, I don't see how anyone could have any kind of confidence in them at all. First they missed that "Bin Laden Determined To Attack Within The United States" memo and now this.

We are so fucked.

Duck and cover, people.



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