Thursday, November 17, 2005
Dead Sexy
I first recall seeing him in Gattaca alongside Ethan Hawke. I saw Music From Another Room with him and then-next-great-Hollywood-actress Gretchen Mol on a British Airways flight from LA to London. Then of course there was The Talented Mr. Ripley, the excellent Enemy at the Gates, AI, Road to Perdition, Cold Mountain, Closer... I don't know what they're going to do with the two films he has in production.

He's been somewhat maligned in the press lately, but I don't care. I'm going to miss Jude Law. Such a brilliant career in such a short time cut short by tragic, early death.

I haven't seen any official statements from friends or his representatives of film studios, but I can only presume he's dead. I mean, just last year, he was People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive.

And just yesterday, People name Matthew McConaughey the 2005 Sexiest Man Alive. I know Jude didn't stop being sexy, so I can only reasonably conclude that he must no longer be alive.

The title isn't "sexiest man of the year", no. It's Sexiest Man Alive.

He had kids and everything, man. It just breaks my heart.

Of course included with this tragic news is the fact that I have to endure--for the 10th year in a row--finishing a close second. Don't laugh. I mean, they gave it to Affleck in 2002 and Nick freakin' Nolte in 1992, so it's not like their standards are all THAT high.

It looks like the best way to go about this is to kill the title-holder. That's the only way to make SURE they are ineligible for being the Sexiest Man Alive. It seems to have worked for Mr. McConaughey this year. And (I assume) for every winner every year before that.

Except Brad Pitt. He won it twice. I don't understand that at all.

For legal reasons, I must point out that I am not saying that I think Matthew McConaughey personally killed Jude Law. That's what publicists are for.

I just would like to implore People Magazine to stop. This cycle of competition and bloodshed must end. Is it worth it for a slight bump in media exposure and circulation for one week out of the year? Next week we all know you'll be back to pictures of Lindsay Lohan walking out of a restaurant after not eating and inspiring stories about three-legged diabetic dogs teaching retarded kids how to read.

And somewhere Taye Diggs is taking evasive driving courses so he can drive the getaway car for his publicist next year. The only good news I can take from all this is that maybe in 2006 we will have seen the last of movies starring Matthew McConaughey.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 4.3



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