Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Damnation's Cellar
It's late. I'm home. I'm tired. But I don't want to have to wake up tomorrow and think of a blogpost topic, so instead I'm doing this now. This counts as your Wednesday AND Thursday Bucket. No backtalk! You takes what you gets and you likes it.

We had a really great time despite the fact that we were accompanied by a 2, 4 and 6 year old. The kids are now old enough to either go on some rides or to understand me completely when I tell them to shut the hell up. They always have some goddamn thing to say and at the most socially embarrassing times, like for instance when I have my hand in some stranger-lady's purse while she's watching the lame-ass parade. Damned kids. The last thing I want to do when I'm at Disneyland is run.

I'm torn now because I really really want to share with you the wonder of our Disney trip as represented by some of the great pictures we took while at the same time I need to maintain my perfect shield of anonymity to keep you rabid stalker-types at bay (you know you who are, you invasive, invasive bastards).

As a compromise, I have decided to give you all the feeling of being there with none of the Pops. Best of both worlds in my opinion. I will do that by posting pictures of random people at Disneyland who are neither me nor my family that I found on the internet.

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Here are two people who are neither me nor my wife reclining comfortably against a stone wall in front of Sleeping Beauty's Castle in much the same way my wife and I would if we were old and retired and without children pulling at us and making us push them around in strollers.

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This is an older picture of two other people who are also Not Us. The background is kind of non-descript, but you know it's Disneyland because of the mouse-head balloon. The question you're asking yourself is obvious: is that Pops stand-in flipping the camera off or not? It's a vague, vague mystery. It's La Gioconda for the 1970s awkward-photography set, but instead of an enigmatic smile, it's some guy maybe giving us the finger. The world may never know.

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Here is what my family would look like if we were all Asian women of roughly the same age sitting in front of the Walt and Mickey statue at the plaza north of Main Street USA.

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And finally, this may or may not be us in front of Main Street all lit up at night. Beautiful. Have I told any of you that I am 117 feet tall? No? Well I'm not. My wife really is 1'11" though.

I hope that captures all the splendor and the magic of corporate-designated American instant-nostalgic fun that is so very accessible to those of us in SoCal. Weep in scornful disdain at the inadequacy of your home state by comparison.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 9.0


PS- There are no pictures of my Not Kids because I have to protect even the idenities of those children who are in no way mine. Plus publication of children's images on the internet would violate several provisions of my bail agreement.


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