Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Can You Smell What The Rock Is Cooking?
Sometimes people wonder what the good folks over at GoldenPalace.com are thinking. They're the ones who paid money to have a giant temporary tattoo of their name scrawled across a boxer's back for the duration of a fight. They're the ones who bought some baseball player's spit-out chewing gum and the grilled cheese sandwich that may or may not have an image of the Virgin Mary burnt into it.
They are also the ones who as of yesterday paid William Shatner $25,000 for his passed kidney stone. Folks immediately go "Goddamn, what the fuck is wrong with these people? What are they going to do with a kidney stone from some geezer Canadian Jew?" Partially at least, I agree: I mean come on, Canadian AND Jewish? Talk about your marginal of the marginal. Fiendishly undermining whole governments while being very polite about it all at the same time. The combination just makes no sense.
I know he was Captain Kirk and all, but I have a hard time believing that even the most unreasonably fanatical Kirk-o-philes would be interested in anything that escaped the man's urethra anymore. In '68 sure, or even around the time Wrath of Khan was released maybe, but now? No, sir.
This is the biggest Star Trek Original Series Cast Member Penis-Related news since George "Sulu" Takei announced he was gay, fine, but $25,000? Just think of what they'll pay for Leonard Nimoy's Prince Albert barbell.
Of course the purchase only makes sense if you think about how much television, print and radio advertising costs and then, concurrently, think of how much the name "GoldenPalace.com" is now being bandied about in the free (free) media and by stupid, gullible, susceptible-to-suggestion bloggers out there desperate for anything unusual or eye-catching around which to build a blogpost replete with dick jokes. Dummies like that can be had for nothing.
So GoldenPalace buys something lame and useless that nobody wants and no one was using. It's called "public attention" and this week it happened to arrive in the shape of Captain Kirk's crystalline bladder excreta.
While I applaud the cynical bastards at GoldenPalace for their initiative, I would like to state publicly that I would never, ever, ever, ever like to visit their storage warehouse. Forget about the kidney stone, I don't even want to know where they keep that boxer.
It all sounds pretty silly, but when you stop and think that we live in a country where people take dancing lessons with their dogs, how strange is it that somebody bought William Shatner's kidney stone?
Now if someone starts taking dancing lessons with William Shatner's kidney stone, that will get my attention.
My favorite part of the Shatner article is right at the end:
"GoldenPalace.com originally offered $15,000 for the stone but Shatner turned it down, noting that his 'Star Trek' tunics have commanded more than $100,000. His counteroffer was accepted."
Wow. Someone asked to buy someone else's kidney stone and there had to be a counteroffer. Say what you want about the Shat, his urinary tract might not be up to snuff, but his balls are working just fine.
All that respect he lost with me from TJ Hooker has been gained back.
This post on the Narcissus Scale: 2.6