Monday, January 16, 2006
Monday Lite: MLK2K6
OK, so today Al Gore called for the appointment of a special counsel to deal with the White House spying on people without bothering to get those pesky, pesky warrants, even after the fact, where time was not an issue.

Is this how it works now? Can just any-ole-body start calling for insanely specific government action even though they have no connection to any sort of public body on any level? Because me and Al Gore, one of the many things we have in common is that neither of us hold jobs at the moment, let alone public office.

And yet Al Gore gets to make speeches and very sternly "call for" things and the national media comes running while I'm stuck here talking to people whose only motivation for reading is to figure out once and for all if I'm retarded or not. Really, it's same impulse that kept people watching Twin Peaks while they did, fascinated by the masochistic, un-follow-able jumble of it because they had to have their curiosity satisfied.

Many of you will be happy to know that just like David Lynch I'm keeping the Big Reveal as to whether or not I have the mental and social capacity of a third grader under wraps for a long time. Again, like Mr. Lynch, I intend to string it out far past the length of any human endurance or even interest so that when the Big Reveal does come, I'll be left here with just me, my dog and the nice lady who cuts my food up for me.

But back to this Al Gore thing, I guess in the spirit of MLK Day 2006, it's OK for people who aren't inside of government to call for its reform or for it to do what the person speaking insists is the public will for the public good. That's what Martin Luther King, Jr. did. And look, he got his own holiday. But then again, he also got shot, so you have to play these sorts of things just right.

In the spirit of Dr. King and former VP Gore, I too am going to take up the call and add my voice to the list of people demanding things from the government in order to foment change.

I would like to also redouble my identification more with FVP Gore than Dr. King. While Dr. King was clearly more courageous and more patently right, Mr. Gore has not as of this writing been (to the best of my knowledge) subject to any kind of gun violence. Government change is nice and all, but avoiding new bullet-made openings anywhere on my body is really what I'm after, long-term.

What I want from government:

1) Accountability and responsibility among elected leaders.

2) Less accountability and responsibility for me personally.

3) National siesta. Call it "nap-time" if the xenophobes in the Red States have to, but I think we'd all be happier with some quiet time after lunch. They do it in Spain and I don't know any unhappy Spaniards. Technically I only know of one Spaniard and that's Antonio Banderas and he seems to be doing OK. Plus there's an outside chance we'd all end up handsome and married to Melanie Griffith. OK, so there's that one downside...

4) Criminalization of old copies of CD-ROM PC video games. That way, just like alcohol during Prohibition, the black market for old PC-CD games will skyrocket and I can finally get rid of my old copies of Rollercoaster Tycoon and FIFA Soccer 1999 at some kind of profit. I could just throw them away, but they were, like, $50 a shot when I bought them.

That's all I can think of now. I was going to say "National Burrito Bar", but I don't think there's enough sneeze-shield Plexiglass to keep us all safe from that one.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 4.7



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