Friday, January 20, 2006
Movies I Have No Intention Of Seeing, #26

Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World

starring Albert Brooks

directed by Albert Brooks (Albert Brooks movies)

If anyone needs any further proof that the Jews are co-conspirators in the whole network complex of modern terror and terrorism, look no further than this film. First they did subtle things like send out a secret signal to all the Jews to leave New York in the days before 9/11. That's just proven fact, right?

They're trying to cover themselves with the whole "oh, the terrorist's first aim is to wipe out Israel and kill all the Jews," but come on. They expect us to believe anyone is that ridiculously crazy? The cover is too perfect.

Look at this now: people over here in America were starting to think about Bush and wire-tapping and corruption in Congress, so terrorism and relations with Muslims in general were fading from the forefront of American consciousness. And then, "coincidentally," the day before Albert Brooks (hmm, now what ethno-religious social subset would we say he belongs to...?) has a new movie coming out, POW! Osama bin Laden tape.

Ahhh, terrorism! Terrorism! I have geopolitical existential anxiety once more! What should I do with my $10 to assuage this paralyzing fear of imminent destruction at the hands of a lurking, depersonalized enemy?!

Oh, thank goodness, I can go see this Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World! Maybe it will show me that Muslims laugh and are regular people like us! That will be enough to draw me out of my home-made bomb-proof spider-hole and separate me from my hard earned money!

People told me I was looking too hard for conspiracies when I blew the lid off the connection between Bolivian Maoist revolutionaries and the demise of Must-See TV Thursday on NBC. I took their scoffs then and I can take yours now. I'm looking too hard? You people aren't looking hard enough.

They flaunt this shit right under your nose knowing you'd never find something if they just fail to hide it at all. See, because they're crafty, the Jews and the terrorists. The Bolivians, they're methods were brutish and crude and motivated by their hot Latin blood to take down their archnemesis, Matt LeBlanc. Passion is fine, but it's unfocused and sloppy.

But this group, they're cold, calculating. They might say "world domination" and "death to the Great Satan", but when it comes right down to it, what they really want is an Executive Producer credit and a percentage of the gross.

Come on. Fifty years of intractable conflict over a strip of land about the size of New Jersey, only less hospitable or inviting. Is anyone else buying this? They even say "Mossad had a hand in planning and executing 9/11" because they know we'll go "No way, that's ridiculous." And meanwhile right now Yitzak Rabin and Yasser Arafat (both still alive, by the way) are drinking mojitos and having their feet washed by the long, silky hair of the natives in Tahiti having a good laugh at our expense, all paid for by the cash they made off Munich.

You don't have to believe me now, but trust me. You will. I have a gift. I see the secret subtle messages transmitted by movies and TV and radio and magazines and the supposed "random" barking of dogs in my neighborhood. I know the last one sounds hard to believe, but once I started feeding my Haldol to my dog which gave her the ability to speak English, she laid it all out for me.

Keep your dogs where you can see them, people. That's all I'll say.

As for this movie, I definitely want to go see it. Not for entertainment purposes, but for research. When I receive the coded messages, I'll be sure to broadcast them to you all either by mental telepathic blast or via this blog ASAP. If there are any dogs in the movie, that should drastically cut down the interpretation time.

Now I have to go. I need to feed the spiders that live under my skin.

Image hosting by Photobucket Three (out of 3) on the Hot Babysitter Scale


PS- I heart Albert Brooks.

PPS- I may also heart Sheetal Sheth, also appearing in this film.

PPPS- One week after I actually get to see a movie, this one and Terence Malick's The New World comes out. God hates me.


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