Thursday, January 19, 2006
(Some) Death To (Most Of) The Infidel(s)!
I guess it isn't impossible that we could learn to live in this world alongside militant jihadist Muslim Wahhabi anti-American fundamentalists. Some much more socially tricky things have been worked out. In high school Rusty Porter ate his own scabs and smelled like formaldehyde and horseradish and yet somehow he had a date to the prom. If a snake can make nice and live with a mouse that was originally meant to be its supper, well, we need only look to nature for our example; it's just like the homos tell us about the gay penguins. Look to the animals, my friends. My dog, for example, spends all day licking herself and has--to my knowledge--never started a war. There's something to learn in that.

However, as much as I'd like to, I have a hard time taking Osama bin Laden at his word when he says he would be open to a truce. I mean, first of all, in the same exact message he tells us we should get ready for new attacks inside the US, so that kind of undercuts his "maybe we can work some of this shit out" message. He kind of buries the lead, the be honest. He might be one hell of an international criminal mastermind, but his composition skills leave something to be desired.

Frankly, his offer of a possible truce seems both half-hearted and confused. First of all, he ties it to withdrawal of US troops from Iraq. So immediately I'm thinking, wow, the Bush-Cheney people are good. They've even got Osama convinced that Iraq is somehow connected to the war on terror. Apparently I haven't been giving the administration propaganda machine enough credit.

Plus, you really sort of undercut your "truce" message when you include things like "The operations are under preparation and you will see them in your houses as soon as they are complete, God willing". By "operations" in our homes, I think it's too much to hope that he's talking about a nation-wide candle party. Unless the candles are made from the boiled flesh of Zionist babies and release anthrax into the air when they burn. I think bin Laden would be down with that. Anything short of that, I call bullshit.

I'm tired of all this threat/counterthreat/attack/invasion cycle. It's time just to figure out once and for all what it is exactly what bin Laden wants. I'm not saying that we should give it to him necessarily (especially if what he wants is "death to America" as I was planning on using America for several years to come), I'm just saying if we're going to engage, let's know what it is we're talking about. The Bush people keep sliding around their motives and actions and justifications while at the same time bin Laden keeps changing his short-term goals from video-tape to video-tape. It's all so squishy and formless and intellectually bankrupt on both sides; it's like dealing with a bunch of Senate Democrats, frankly. And everyone knows nothing gets done if you leave it to those people.

I'm sort of discouraged because as of a few days ago, I thought I'd actually cracked it. I thought I'd finally figured out what exactly it was that Osama bin Laden wanted so desperately that he was willing to commit mass murder of innocents of a period of years to make it happen. But then Kelly Clarkson agreed to let American Idol use her songs and STILL with the threats. So there went that theory.

Ah well. Back to square one.

When I do figure it out, you people will be the first to know. I'll audioblog it from my cellphone while driving like mad to someplace less likely to be a target. Terrorists hate Riverside. It's just too freedom-y.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 3.0



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