Thursday, February 23, 2006
Hello, Sioux Falls! Are You Ready To Rock?!
I like being alive. I like breathing and seeing the sun and sleeping and waking up and (some) people and talking and the feel of lacy things against my skin, under my clothes where no one but me knows.

I especially like being alive when I consider the alternative.

So when you hear about the "culture of life" that the president promotes, it doesn't sound so bad. It sounds even better when you consider the reflex opposite, the "culture of death." Not only is it depressing, but it sounds like the name of a crappy '80s hair-metal band that plays pop music under the guise of "rock" and 30 pounds of AquaNet. So basically what I'm saying is that I support the idea of a "culture of life" because I think no man should ever--ever--wear foundation.

I also roll with the the "culture of life" since I'm a Catholic and there's a certain pride of association with the fact that the phrase came directly from the Pope (not the weird current one, I mean the one before, the good one who killed all those communists with his bare hands). And as you know, we Catholics unquestioningly go along with whatever the church tells us. Except child molestation. I'm not down with that, although in our defense the Church has officially upgraded the severity of that offense within the Church to "Very Seriously Most Probably A Bad Thing" from it's previous designation in the "Eh... Shit Happens... Whattyagonnado?"

I'm a little queasy about the current state of the "culture of life" because the phrase has been co-opted by non-Catholics in American politics, particularly the president. And like everything else the Protestants stole from us, they've gone and fucked it all up (see also: Jesus, the Bible, God, Christianity, etc.) too.

The GOP talking-points "culture of life" looks sort of strange. See, you get stuff like this business in South Dakota that I mentioned very briefly yesterday. There they've gone ahead to actively challenge Roe v. Wade (and just after the confirmation of Justice Alito! Fortuitous!) by passing a comprehensive ban on abortions. From the article, there is a grand total of one clinic in South Dakota that provides abortions, so basically, if you work at that clinic, this law is for YOU specifically.

The final vote in the South Dakota State Senate was 23-12. When I first saw that I thought: Holy crap, there are only 35 people in the whole South Dakota State Senate? And then I remembered, that works out to roughly 60% of the total state population, so that's, like, representative as all hell.

35 South Dakota Senators. And not even all of them voted for it. Then the Supreme Court potentially overturns Roe when someone challenges the constitutionality of the law. Because of what 23 people in South Dakota want right now.

Just to give you an idea of the political climate, here's an excerpt:

"In my opinion, it is the time for the South Dakota Legislature to deal with this issue and protect the lives and rights of unborn children," said Sen. Julie Bartling, a Democrat and the bill's main sponsor.

In South Dakota, this is how the Democrat women talk. Anyone who explodes my demographic preconceptions like that, I have to call bullshit. Maybe she's positioning herself to run for a more prestigious office than South Dakota State Senate like governor or US Senator or... really any other elective or appointed office in the whole entire world.

But overall, I guess, "Yay, culture of life!" right?

Then we have an ipso facto death penalty moratorium here in Cali while we wait until the state can find a doctor who is OK assisting with executions (in compliance with a judge's order to ensure the executed do not suffer) in defiance of that Hippocratic Oath thingy.

You'd figure the "culture of life" people would be happy with this (execution = death which does NOT = life), but nooooo. We have a president whose only discernible political accomplishment prior to his ascendancy to his present office was that he executed a lot of people and a vice president who hunts human beings for sport. So we KNOW they're not down with this namby-pamby bleeding-heart activist-judge bullshit.

Also, this is the administration that directly and indirectly brings you daily reports of death and mayhem the world over. Say what you want about it, but it saves me from having to read cover stories about the tax code in my Newsweek.

What puzzles me most about the "culture of life" crowd is how down they are on doin' it. You know what I mean. Doin' It. The act of creating life. Or at least simulating it only to ultimately frustrate it by means of physical or pharmaceutical barriers to conception. Still, come on... it's not like people don't need practice. Would you take someone who's never hammered a nail* and immediately assign them to build you a house... and then require them to move into that house for 18 years and then save a bunch of money to send that ungrateful house to college? No. No, you wouldn't.

If we're going to have a "culture of life," I think we should have a culture of ALL the aspects of life, especially the business of making it.

When we get down to the bottom of it, I guess my basic argument is as follows: more porn.

How's that for Catholic?

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 9.1


* = that is meant to be taken literally, by the way, you pervs.


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