Sunday, February 26, 2006
Most Awkward Social Interaction Ever, Finalist
My neighbor has the last house on the street. His is right next to a hillside, which is home to dozens if not hundreds of personal-space-insensitive wild rabbits. They hop through his yard digging holes and eating plants, leading him to adopt all sorts of weird and drastic measures to discourage them, the naughty, naughty lagomorphs.

This dull-ass information is the context for the following conversation he and I actually had just yesterday. I know I tell a lot of lies, but this ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

HIM: Yeah, I'm putting up all this chicken-wire along my fence here to try to keep them out. They're really driving me crazy.

ME: They don't bother me. I think it's because of my dog. Have you considered getting a dog?

HIM: [pauses] Well... I love dogs. I do. But we've... uh...

ME: What?

HIM: I've had some problems with dogs in the past.

ME: Oh, OK. That's--

HIM: A dog killed my grandmother.

ME: ...

(the break here seemed like roughly 861 years of silence and blinking. Excruciating as it was, I managed to make it a little bit worse. In my defense, what the fuck do you say to that?)

ME: Well, I guess a dog's out then.

That's what I said to him. After all the effort he made to drop completely unnecessarily heart-felt and personal information on me like that. He said it all in bold that way, too. I don't know how to explain it, but that's how it came across in my head.

As if I weren't shamed enough, here I am blogging about it, making it all worse. Good lord, but I am an asshole.

And look at you all... reading this... enabling me.

I don't say "thanks" often enough.


This post on the Narcissus Scale: 9.9



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