Thursday, February 02, 2006
No Wonder
For the most part, I regret having seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It had it's moments here and there I guess, but when I think of all the other ways I could have spent that 90+ minutes of my life, I weep a little.

What I do remember is one line in the movie where the main character lady says (shockingly!) that she has 27 first cousins. And the crowd gasps and giggles! What an absurd idea!

Gasps and giggles from everyone except me. I have 27 first cousins. On my mother's side alone. I'm not kidding.

It sounds great, like in that movie where everyone was gruff-yet-loveable. Mostly it's just awkward. You know all the names, but sometimes you forget to whom they belong. You can have a 15 minute conversation with Matt only to realize after you walk away that you had been talking to Nick. But God bless Matt/Nick for not saying anything, probably because he couldn't remember which one you are either.

The good thing about it is that, as we all grow to adult-hood and spread out across this great land of ours, we all have a ready-made national data-collecting organization all just a phone call or an e-mail away.

I benefited from this arrangement yesterday when one of my cousins (who shall remain nameless to protect her identity, something crucial for her to maintain her career as a killer for hire) found something on the internet and e-mailed it to me for my enjoyment.

I now pass it along to you all to enjoy in turn, in all it's shocking, shocking glory.

This is an excerpt from a sermon given by Rev. Willie Wilson, Union Temple Baptist Church in D.C.

The original page for links can be found here.

Any emphasis has been added by me.

“… We live in a time when our brothers have been so put down, can’t get a job, lot of the sisters making more money than brothers. And it’s creating problems in families. That’s one of the reasons our families’ breaking up. And that’s one of the reasons many of our women are becoming lesbians. You got to be careful when you say you don’t need no man. I can make it by myself. Well, if you don’t need a man, what’s left? Lesbianism is about to take over our community. I’m talking about young girls. My son in high school last year, trying to go to the prom, he said, ‘Dad, I ain’t got nobody to take to the prom because all the girls in my class are gay. There ain’t but two of them straight and both of them are ugly. I ain’t got nobody to take to the prom.’ Now, can I talk here? I ain’t homophobic, because everybody in here got something wrong with him. Whoever you point at, you can point at your own self. You got something wrong with your life. But when you get down to this thing, women falling down on another woman, strapping yourself up with something, it ain’t real. That thing ain’t got no feeling in it. It ain’t natural. Any time somebody got to slap some grease on your behind, and stick something in you, it’s something wrong with that. Your butt ain’t made for that. You got blood vessels and membranes in your behind. And if you put something unnatural in there, it breaks them all up. No wonder your behind is bleeding. It’s destroying us. Can’t make no connection with a screw and another screw. The Bible says God made them male and female. The Hebrew word "neged," which means complementary nature — there is something unique to man and unique to woman and it takes those two things to complement each other. You can’t make a connection with two screws. It takes a screw and a nut!

First of all, is anyone else totally turned on? No? Just me?

Second of all, his son is obviously SO GAY.

Third, I'm sorry to my gay readers. I know that as a straight person and a committed non-Baptist I have the luxury of not finding any of this personally threatening. I do admit that I find it very, very funny because of the unintentional irony ("I ain't homophobic") and the awesome, awesome inappropriateness of the frank language in a church setting. People without shame just happen to fascinate me, while at the same time I resent the fact that I seem to be carrying some of their shame for them. I curse my filthy carnal form.

The funniest thing is that I haven't listened to the actual audio file of the sermon yet (a sermon from a church) because my kids are always around and I'd hate for their innocent minds to be corrupted by that kind of language. If anyone's going to destroy my children's sense of situational social appropriateness, it's going to be me.

My oldest boy actually said to me just yesterday (and again, this is true--two true things in one post!) that a kid in his class had called him "gay" and that it meant both "happy" and "dumb." I probably scarred him for life when I laughed, but what's a guy gonna do?

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 7.1



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