Friday, February 03, 2006
Not Very XL
For those of you disappointed not to see my sort-of regular Movies I Have No Intention of Seeing feature here again, I would like to remind you all the the MIHNIoS series is less about movies (seeing as I don't actually SEE these movies) than it is about marketing. How am I supposed to react to movies I don't see if they aren't being crammed down my throat during the commercials I fast-forward through on my digital video recorder?

The only film I'm even aware of this week is Something New which is about interracial romance. I'm not interested in doing to legwork to find out about that one because the subject is so passé to me. I know all about interracial romance. See, I am Catholic and my wife when we got married was... something else, I don't even know what. Suffice it to say she was damned. So I'm all up on the intricacies and challenges of people from wildly diverse backgrounds making their way together. It was easier once I taught her English and she did eventually convert to Catholicism, so I would say that the message of Something New is probably pretty similar: if you marry someone from outside your race, you can turn them white if you just wait long enough. I think that's pretty clear.

But if your story is less cosmpolitan than mine, maybe you could learn something by seeing it, I don't know. One interesting fact is that it stars the crazy, crazy hot Sanaa Lathan and is directed by someone named Sanaa Hamri. That's two people named Sanaa in one place. Two Sanaa for the price of one. You aren't likely to see that again. Unless they make another movie together, I guess.

This being Super Bowl weekend and a minimum day at my kid's school (how many goddamn minimum days do they need? This is clearly a conspiracy to keep me from writing decently long blogposts), I have to go. In preparation for the game, I'm starting a regimen of all kinds of illegal steroids to get me in the right frame of mind. I'm not working out or anything, I'm just injecting myself over and over again with anabolic steroids. I don't imagine I'll make much headway on the freakishly-large-muscle front, but I'll keep you all graphically posted on the back acne, the enlarged cranium, the shriveled testicles and the 'roid rage. If you hear about a doughy, pasty white guy in SoCal who beat a man to death in a grocery store over the last bag of Fritos Scoops over the weekend, that was probably me. Keep your eye on the news!

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 8.8



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