Thursday, May 04, 2006
What's The Point Of Jail If You Can't Be Raped By A Fellow Inmate?
Damn. Well, I guess we're going to have to wait a few more years before we finally get a televised pay-per-view execution.

Apparently we've decided not to execute that Moussaoui guy. It's such a tragedy too because he seemed like such a shoo-in for the role.

I thought we had a sure winner with Timothy McVeigh, but for some reason that never made it on TV either. Something to do with advertising rates or something. I can't remember exactly. Anyway, they executed that dude in some basement somewhere, far from the view of any TV camera and definitely NOT brought to you by Kellogg's Frosted Flakes.

I guess it's OK that the Moussaoui execution isn't going to happen because I don't think TV is ready for it anyway. The current method is lethal injection, which... come on, the guy lays on a table and then falls asleep. It'd be like watching a dental hygiene appointment. Except at the end of it, the guy dies.

In order to rate TV time, the case would have to be significantly high-profile enough to attract viewers by its notoriety. That would be it would have to be a particularly bad person, someone who had done something so onerous and antisocially heinous that we'd automatically associate their name to their crimes like Jeffery Dahmer or Harris and Klebold or Ellen DeGeneres.

That would mean that the thing they did would have to be so bad that a little extra brutality for the sake of the aesthetics of the thing would be not only appropriate, but necessary. If it's up to me, I say instead of lethal injection, we go with anal electrocution. Hey, if it's good enough for a mink, it's good enough for some crazy social transgressive.

But it's all moot right now anyway because this Moussaoui guy got off easy with only life in single-confinement in a "supermax" prison.

The news story says that as he was walking out of the courtroom he shouted "America, you lost... I won!"

This tells us one of two things: a) maybe his English is not so good or b) he's retarded.

I can see executing a person for the first one, but the second one... on a state level you can execute the retarded, sure, but federally? Morality is always trickier when there are more people watching.

There is also a third option, c) he's an asshole. But we've covered that already. Maybe he didn't actually kill anybody, but that's as strong an argument for execution as any.

Honestly, I'm sort of relieved that he isn't going to be executed, on TV or not. It's not because I'm some sort of faggot liberal pussy who loves criminals more than I love America. That's all true, but that's not relevant in this case. It's also not because of the complex issues of legal vs. moral justice and the propriety of the state pronouncing the latter in the thin guise of the former visiting vengeance upon the convicted for the interest of a few instead of exercising measured, even, heavy penance in the name and for the sake of the many. Still, on the right track, but not relevant.

No, I just don't have time to follow any more Moussaoui proceedings, execution-style or otherwise. We've got a trouble-spot rogue nation in the Middle East, UN resolutions flying around and the French being contrarian wusses. Sound familiar to anyone else? It's war-time, baby! I have to keep my TV schedule clear for when the bombs start falling on Tehran.

Or, failing that, Moscow. Always smart to have a backup.

32% approval rating, people. Something's got to give. It's about to get real, real interesting.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 9.7



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