Sunday, June 04, 2006
Can Lindsay Lohan Be Far Behind?
On the days when I don't have the time to post a whole thought-out well-structured thing (yes, I know, "when have you ever," I get it, that's clever), you are stuck with what I give you. Of course you are stuck with what I give you every other day, but it's on nights like tonight that I almost feel a slight twinge of compassion for you.

Almost. I would have to have a functioning heart for that. Ever since I was mauled by that bear (stupid picnic basket!), I've had one of those mechanical ones keeping me alive while I wait for a donor. Sure, the hissing and clicking the machine makes is somewhat annoying, but it's more than just a heart. I got the latest one with the built in video camera, voice dialing and Bluetooth capability.

Hang on, I might be thinking of my cell phone...

Anyway, today I leave you with a riddle. It is one that has been asked several times across these internets but has never met with a satisfactory answer.

Consider this list:

Lara Flynn Boyle

Monica Potter

Reality TV skank Trishelle (picture link to illustrate skankiness, NOT SAFE FOR WORK)

Courteney Cox

Jennifer Aniston

Mary-Louise Parker

Nicole Kidman

What do these (mostly) beautiful, intelligent women have in common?

They have all allegedly consented to have sex with this:

I know, you're thinking "Holy Christ, Nicole Kidman boned TV's Grizzly Adams?"

And no, that would be Counting Crows lead singer Adam Duritz. Adam Duritz boned Grizzly Adams.

Ha ha, I kid. No, apparently Mr. Duritz, despite his I-live-under-a-freeway-overpass appearance, is quite the gash hound. As far as I can tell, this is only a partial list of conquests. A full list may include an Olsen twin.

What is the problem here? It's not so much that he's horrifically ugly... OK, that's part of it, but didn't any of these women hear that song "Mr. Jones"? "Round Here"? That caterwauling shit is AWFUL. I know hot chicks inexplicably bang Mick Jagger all the time too, but at least he gave us that "Satisfaction" song.

Like I said, this has been asked elsewhere many times before, but still, I just don't understand.

OK, the Courteney Cox thing kind of makes sense considering she married David Arquette. The chick is obviously into weird.

But come on, Nicole Kidman?

I'd harp on this more, but no amount of harping makes a weak post stronger. Plus Sopranos season finale is on and I'm off to watch it instead of further embarrassing myself by continuing this travesty.

I am genuinely confused about the question, though.

Now accepting all theories.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 9.98



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