Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Why Is This Day Different From All Other Days?
You can feel it when you walk outside. Something is a little... off. A little skewed. You can't quite figure out what it is: do I have that inner-ear problem again? Did I forget my orthopedic shoe? Oh my God, I'm still drunk from last night!
No, it's none of those. Well, OK, it might be one or more of either of those, but in addition to that, there's something more ethereal, something more culturally primal, something more deep-seated in our collective unconscious, an elusive sense of basic unease that manifests itself in irrationality, superstition, fear and paralysis.
Today is special. Look at the calendar. Do you know what today is?
That's right: it's PRIMARY ELECTION DAY!
Wherever you are, whatever you're doing (or are supposed to be doing instead of reading this) drop it and give us a good old fashioned horror-movie scream. Go ahead, I'll wait.
Don't you feel better? I mean those of you who have not been immediately fired. But they'll get home and they'll read this on their home computers and then we'll all have a good laugh. Until the money runs out and their electricity gets cut off. In which case they won't be able to read my blog at all anymore...
You know what, on second thought, don't scream. Or if you already did (for the last time, you don't FOLLOW directions until you FINISH the post), tell your boss you have Tourette's or OH! Threaten to file a sexual harassment lawsuit. If your boss is the same gender as you, you might have to gay it up a little bit for the inquiry (a little hair gel for the guys, Birkenstocks for the ladies), but it's worth it for the sake of my Sitemeter numbers, don't you think? I do.
Oh and yes, it is also June 6th, 2006, which is 6-6-06, fine, whatever. The only really evil thing that I can tell that is happening today is the release of that remake of The Omen. We have little to fear, however, as I'm fairly confident NO ONE has any intention of seeing that one.
Out here in CA, one of the places where it is Primary Day, it's hard to see the devil in the details. We have a race for the Democratic nominee for governor between two people so uninteresting, they couldn't possibly be the devil. You do hear talk from time to time about "the banality of evil" which sounds ominous, but we're talking about two candidates who would have to ASPIRE to banality.
We know what the devil will look like: suave, sophisticated, appealing to our basic needs at the expense of the high human abstractions that hold societies together. Basically he'll be Ricardo Montalban with a barrel full of Ecstasy.
I actually already voted. There are a couple of places where you can vote a few weeks in advance around the state, the mall near my house being one of them. There's something so comforting about casting my vote for an American election right in the middle of the shopping mall between the Orange Julius and the Hot Topic. Someday I hope the Iraqi people will build the kind of democracy so robust they can put it up there on the list of personal importance right next to Cinnabon.
Speaking of banality, we know the 2006 election cycle is in full swing because we get to hear more about amending the constitution to keep gays from touching each other. It's been introduced by the president and his people even though there is no chance it will pass. Basically it's a "please vote against this so that we might make a list" type of proposal. Gay marriage is the new flag-burning. There's a joke in there about "flaming" but I'm not going to touch it.
The fact that the White House has even rolled gay marriage out again I find encouraging. It means they've run through all their new 2006 schtick, all of which failed, and are now recycling the 2004 stuff. You know, because it worked so well last time. If only there weren't so many Mexicans, the whole immigration thing would have worked out better for them and they wouldn't be reduced to this, but such is life. Sometimes it's hard be the unopposed political majority. I weep for them.
If there is nothing else we can say about this 6-6-6 date it's that gay marriage will not be declared illegal at the federal level. So there at least is one victory for Satan. Nice work, Satan!
As for who I voted for in the gubernatorial primary, Phil Angelides or Steve Westly, the answer is: neither. I probably won't vote for Arnold, but that doesn't mean I have to back one of these stiffs either.
I wrote in Ricardo Montalban. I figure if I can't actually vote for Satan on his day, I might as well vote for the next best thing.
This post on the Narcissus Scale: 9.1