Tuesday, August 22, 2006
The good people at Pac Bell SBC AT&T saw fit to conduct a scheduled outage of my regional DSL network this morning. They somehow didn't think it would be prudent or necessary to let some of us know about it in advance.

After I got past the sweating and the vomiting and the hallucinations of babies crawling on the ceiling, I realized that no DSL meant I didn't have to produce a blogpost this morning.

I stood up from my computer, like Samson, betrayed, bound, his hair shorn, finding the strength to pull down the pillars, collapsing the building upon himself and his enemeies. OK, it isn't a perfect analogy seeing as I didn't die.

But I did actually get up and get some shit done outside my house before lunch time. Which was weird and liberating. It even kind of scared my kids, which was a bonus.

You all have no idea how close this blog came to ending this morning. It's still not entirely peril-free, but some of the giddiness has worn off, so cooler heads may yet prevail.

What I did decide definitively is that I'm taking the rest of this week off. Relax, it's only 3 days. You can go back to counting your body hairs or checking to make sure the stove is off (OH MY GOD, THE STOVE!) or marathon masturbation sessions or whatever it is you used to do to take up the 10 minutes you take to read and comment here. Go on, see what's out there. Try something new. Take up crochet. Or heroin. Broaden your horizons.

Me, I'll be back Sunday, I promise.

The kids start school Monday, so I've got a bunch of crap to get done. Plus it's my 9th anniversary on Thursday. Plus we're meeting with the realtor tomorrow to discuss our options. Pops has a life too.

Besides, it's not like I'd leave you here all alone. Do I ever?

For the next three days, I leave you all in the capable hands of character actor Mr. James Tolkan.

This is appropriate because I feel as though my ego may be writing checks my body can't cash. I also realize now that he meant that metaphorically and the police take a dim view of writing checks that are not backed by sufficient funds. They don't think "bankable body" is funny either. Just something you should know.

Sunday then,



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