Monday, August 21, 2006
Monday Lite: What Happend To You, Man? You Used To Be Beautiful
Something ain't right in the muthafuckin' state of Denmark, muthafuckas.

I've been reading about how what a failure Snakes on a Plane was this weekend at the box office, how it only managed to finish #1 after a competitive summer release date and looks to make its $30 million budget back pretty easily... you know, when you add in overseas totals and DVD sales.

Yeah. I see where this is going.

Then it gets even worse. I get all my news from Yahoo! news. If it isn't on my homepage when I load up my Interet Explorer, then it didn't happen. As far as I'm concerned, Yahoo! news is the direct, unfiltered Word of God. Assuming He has a broadband connection and enough practice with fancy HTML to get it all up there... which I do.

So imagine my existential crisis when I saw that the Yahoo! news lists SoaP finishing second behind Talladega Nights.

It didn't make any sense to me at first, but then I started to think about it and it all snapped into focus: just another way for The Man to keep a brother down.

Slavery, Jim Crow, Alien Medical Experimentation, Sammy Davis Jr.'s glass eye, Katrina, now this... there are clearly no depths to which the United States government will not stoop to make sure they have their boot on the black man's neck.

Frankly, however, I find this to be petty and unnecessary. A freedom fighter like Samuel L. Jackson has been stealthily putting together a resumé that now includes the little bit of trivia about how his films combined have grossed more money than any other actor in movie history. Most of them bit parts or supporting roles or (at best) co-leads. He's been operating under the radar because he's smart. He knows if he gets too far out in front, the FBI starts leaking video of him driving with Britney Spears' kid on his lap or something.

Now he finally takes a step forward, going out of his way to hedge his bets with the clever "What, this silly movie? No, it's just silly! It's not serious! Ha ha, funny! No need to tap my phones!" subversive marketing campaign and STILL they can't let him have his moment in the sun.

For shame, US government. I hope you're happy. Remember, though, you've made your own bed.

At some point, Samuel L. Jackson will be coming for you.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 2.2



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