Tuesday, August 15, 2006
The Rundown
I don't really have the best luck. Sure, I guess I can say I got lucky meeting my wife, but really, I went into the jungles of Peru and happened upon a mute hermitess living in a cave, took her home, deloused her and married her. Same thing happens to millions of people every day. Law of averages, really. Matchmaking is what the jungles of Peru are known for.

No... no, wait, I might be thinking of malaria...

Other than that, my luck hasn't been very good. Ask me how many times I've won the lottery. Go on, ask. Ha! No, stupid! I'll tell you: none. Not once. I've also never been lucky enough to be injured because of my own stupidity by something without an expressly-worded warning label or molested by a formerly popular pop singer. I accidentally sat on El DeBarge's lap on a public bus once, but that wasn't really actionable. It was totally my fault. Never saw him sitting there. That dude is small.

Bad luck is the main reason why I never went into professional sports. I never actually experienced any bad luck with regard to my pro sports development, I just decided early on that to put in all those years just to almost make it to the top and then be struck low by some crazy freak accident wasn't worth it. In my case, probably getting the HIV from one of the hood rats who follow the team bus around. And really, who needs the virus that leads eventually to AIDS? Not me.

Or maybe I'd be like New Orleans Saints back-up quarterback Adrian McPherson who was warming up for the second half of an exhibition game when he was run over by a golf cart being driven by the other team's mascot.

See that? That's bad luck.

Or was it?

The investigation is pending. I swear to you, that's true. I shall endeavor to keep you posted on the story about the guy who got run over by a giant raccoon driving an electric car.


Before I go, one last thing: you can't turn on the radio ANYWHERE ANY TIME without hearing that song "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. Cee-lo and Danger Mouse. They've been playing it for months and months and months on the station I usually listen to, so I'm kind of over it. But Gnarls Barkley deserves our attention because every time they appear in public--either in concert or simply for publicity photos--they make an event of it. I've prepared a collage for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.

Stormtrooper on the bass. Boba Fett on the ones and the twos. All I gotta say.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 5.2



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