Friday, September 22, 2006
The Post That Wasn't
I just spent about an hour trying to write up something for the Movies I Have No Intention of Seeing series about Jackass: Number 2, but oh my God, did it ever get away from me. That post had characters and plotlines and a poem about trees and celebrity cameos all over the place, everyone from Paris Hilton to Run DMC to thirteenth President of the United States Millard Fillmore. There was a gameshow and carnival rides and giants and fairies and even a few straight people. It had themes and motifs and a strong mise-en-scène, a certain je ne sais quoi, a little tête-à-tête and several other Französische Wörter for your reading pleasure, just in case you forgot I was pretentious. I got so wrapped up in the composition of it, it was like I wasn't even writing it. Rather it was as though an angel descended from heaven and settled just over my shoulder, with me merely dictating as it whispered in my ear. Oh God, the filthy, degenerate things it whispered in my ear. I should have known what kind of angel it was when it giggled at the word "dictate."
But alas, the thing ended up being about 6 single-spaced pages long and by the end, I had completely forgotten the point. That has never stopped me from publishing before, but this is Friday. I know you all have paychecks to drink away.
With your busy schedules in mind, I have decided to spare you.
I killed it. It's dead. All the Buckety fun today is going to have to come from the comment section. Here, I'll start the conversation off: "Hey, fuck you people!"
Sorry if that came out harsh, but that's just how we start conversations in my house. Ah, Christmas.
As far as the movie goes, I simply invite you all to follow this link to a picture of the film's "director", calculate up your tolerance for watching other people vomit and/or shit themselves (possibly simultaneously), mash those together and then figure out for your goddamn selves if you want to see Jackass: Number 2.
What, do you want me to all your thinking for you?
Because I can. And I will. If only you'd let me.
This post on the Narcissus Scale: 10.0