Tuesday, September 19, 2006
This Message Will Self-Destruct
I would like to use this space today to publicly chastise Nicholas and Lola Kampf, the Maine couple who kidnapped their own daughter, tied her up, threw her in the trunk of their car and tried to drive her to an out-of-state clinic for a forced abortion.

I want my outrage on the record. These people have acted selfishly and thoughtlessly. I could not be more livid about this. Now the right-wing revolutionaries, the little guys who hold up the blogosphere and Fox News, will be screaming about the inhumanity of abortion, the crazed... craziness of its adherents and clarifying for them the stark reality of a near-future dystopia where abortion is not an act of choice but forced upon young women by the arbitrary oversight of authority, in this case parental but by clear and obvious extension, one day, the United States government.

Way to go, Knopfs. You totally tipped them off to the plan.

We were still two years away from implementation and now it's all compromised because you couldn't just perform an abortion on your daughter at home while she was sleeping with the tools secretly provided you by Planned Parenthood and Hillary Clinton.

I mean, my God, you couldn't even let us get to Phase One of the plan first, the Democratic takeover of Congress in November. There is still so much groundwork to be laid before we even get to organizing the activist judges to fix the presidential election of 2008 to ensure a Democrat victory so we can get the power of the executive branch behind this forced abortion plan and now our hand has been tipped.

You know Karl Rove is watching. Your failure of composure has exposed us all to counter-stratagems that will involve awakening the irresistible power of Christian voters animated by the Holy Spirit and not being bitten by the snakes they're holding, rendering them able to vote us down in November and then where will we be?

Your daughter comes home and says she's knocked up by some guy in prison. Big deal. Standard operating procedure for Democrats like us, right? Sounds to me like a kid who is a prime candidate for future government assistance. Right up our alley.

So you freak out and throw her in the back of your Lexus and drive her off to... hang on... wait a second... something isn't right...


Oh my God. They're Republicans.

They're already on to us. It's a pre-emptive PR assault!

Total disaster! It's the forced-sodomy plan of 2004 all over again!

We have to... it's time to... hey, what's the word for immediately stopping a project in progress, after the conception stage but before it can be brought fully to term? Man, tip of my tongue... Oh yeah!

Abort! Abort! Burn all documents! Kill all questionable contacts! Smoke all the hydroponic weed! Condition critical! Codeword: Obama! Abort! Abort!

You never read this blogpost.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: [CENSORED]



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