Aaron Sorkin Theater


A Tribute, by Pops.

STARRING the cast and crew of Mr. Sorkin's current show Studio 60, primarily BRADLEY WHITFORD as late-night sketch comedy show executive producer DANNY and MATTHEW PERRY as show head-writer MATT.

FADE IN:

INT. STUDIO 60 - NIGHT. OR MAYBE DAY.

MATT and DANNY walk side by side TOWARD CAMERA down a long a twisty hallway. Behind them all sorts of things happen in an active, busy background. The hallway has many obstacles in it for no obvious reasons of spatial logic including CORNERS, DEAD ENDS, INTERSECTIONS, STAIRS (going both up and down) and, at one point, A BEAR.

MATT
Hey, Danny.

DANNY
Yeah?

MATT
I wanted to talk to you about something.

DANNY
OK.

MATT
No, I mean, when you get a chance.

DANNY
You want to talk to me about something?

MATT
Yeah.

DANNY
When I get a chance?

MATT
That's right.

DANNY
I'm not really busy now as we walk.

MATT
Can we do that?

DANNY
Can we do what?

MATT
Walk and talk at the same time.

DANNY
I guess so.

MATT
I mean it seems kind of...

DANNY
Revolutionary?

MATT
Exactly. Like the kind of thing you would think of that would never, ever get old.

DANNY
You mean walking and talking?

MATT
Yes, walking.

DANNY
And talking.

MATT
Yes.

DANNY
So you wanted to talk?

MATT
Yeah, here's the thing, I think I have accidentally developed the capacity to travel through time.

DANNY
You can travel through time.

MATT
I think I can travel through time.

DANNY
How so?

MATT
I don't know, it's just today, ever since I woke up, I just feel like I've been able to slow things down.

DANNY
You can slow things down?

MATT
Yeah, kind of... at will.

DANNY
Ah. You feel like you've lived this whole day and it's like there's always an extra hour or so you don't know what to do with.

MATT
Exactly! Wow, hey, can you do it to?

DANNY
Sure.

MATT
Sure? What do you mean, 'sure'?

DANNY
I mean we can all do it.

MATT
We can all do it?

DANNY
We can all do it. You're thinking about the end of Daylight Savings Time.

MATT
Daylight Savings Time?

DANNY
Yeah, Daylight Savings Time.

MATT
I forgot to set my clock back, didn't I?

DANNY
I think maybe you did.

MATT
So that was today.

DANNY
That was today.

MATT
Wow.

DANNY
So was that it?

MATT
Was what what?

DANNY
That was it, the thing?

MATT
What the hell are you talking about?

DANNY
The thing. You wanted to talk to me about a thing. Was that the thing?

MATT
Oh. Yeah, that was one thing. But there are others.

DANNY
There are others?

MATT
Yeah, there are others. Have you ever seen a scene in an Aaron Sorkin show where there is no talking?

DANNY
That's an excellent point.

MATT
Man, this is hard.

DANNY
What is hard?

MATT
Thinking of things to say all the time. The pace of the conversation is brutal.

DANNY
You could do what I do.

MATT
What do you do?

DANNY
I repeat everything you say.

MATT
You repeat everything I say?

DANNY
Nice work.

MATT
Thanks.

DANNY
Also, sometimes I make up words.

MATT
You make up words?

DANNY
Yeah. The point of the conversation is less what you say than keeping the rhythm going.

MATT
Really?

DANNY
Gloppa.

MATT
Gloppa?

DANNY
Gloppa.

At this point, the wandering duo are joined by SIMON STYLES played by D.L. HUGHLEY.

SIMON
Hey guys.

MATT AND DANNY
Hey Simon.

SIMON
I just wanted to remind you guys that I am black.

DANNY
Yeah, we remembered.

SIMON
I know, but you need to have me wander in every once in a while and beat you over the head with the obvious. Also, I have a lot of dignity.

MATT
He does have a lot of dignity.

SIMON
So we're cool?

MATT
We're way cool, Sim.

DANNY
We even call you 'Sim'.

SIMON
I'm not the first black guy in a Sorkin show though, you know.

MATT
Yeah, Robert Guillaume was in Sports Night.

DANNY
Really, Benson was in Sports Night?

MATT
Benson was in Sports Night.

DANNY
Weird. How'd that go?

SIMON
He had a stroke about half way through the first season.

DANNY
Wow. What do you think caused that.

MATT AND SIMON
The dialogue.

DANNY
I can see that.

SIMON
OK, I've exceeded my allotted time here, I can see. Look out for the bear.

SIMON wanders off, leaving DANNY and MATT alone again to continue their epic journey through the eighty miles of hallway inside Studio 60.

MATT
Hey Danny.

DANNY
Yeah Matt.

MATT
Why is there always a Danny?

DANNY
I don't know what you mean.

MATT
In Sports Night one of the main characters is a Danny. Then in The West Wing there was another Danny.

DANNY
There was?

MATT
Yeah. The reporter guy, remember? Same actor we have here except here he's called 'Cal'.

DANNY
The thirtysomething guy?

MATT
Yeah.

DANNY
Wow. You know, I don't know. Probably the same reason there's always a pair of dudes at the center of the show in a deep nonsexual codependent relationship.

MATT
Oh, and a character whose job is to put a human face on alcoholism and/or drug addiction.

DANNY
Is that me or you in this one?

MATT
I think it's you.

DANNY
Even though you were the one who had a drug problem in real life?

MATT
I know, it's weird.

DANNY
It's OK, I can stretch.

MATT
So basically we're just Sorkin talking to himself, aren't we?

DANNY
I expect so.

MATT
And he has a at least one multiple personality named Danny.

DANNY
I'd say that's pretty clear.

MATT
Hey, did you know the first recorded steam device, the aeolipile, was invented by Hero of Alexandria, a Greek, in the 1st century AD, but used only as a toy. In 1663, Edward Somerset, 2nd Marquess of Worcester published designs for, and may have installed, a steam-powered engine for pumping water at Vauxhall House. In about 1680 the French physicist Denis Papin, with the help of Gottfried Leibniz, built a steam digester for softening bones, i.e. he invented the world's first-ever pressure cooker. Later designs implemented a steam-release valve to keep the device from exploding. By watching the valve rhythmically move up and down Papin conceived of the idea of a piston and cylinder engine. Papin wrote up the designs for such a device (as pictured adjacent), however he never built an actual steam engine. The English engineer Thomas Savery later used Papin's designs to build the world's first operational steam engine.

DANNY
Wow. That's interesting, but pretty inartfully shoehorned into a conversation.

MATT
I know, but I did the research and so I figured I had to get it in somehow.

DANNY
Ah. It's OK, I'm sure nobody will notice.

MATT
Because we're charming?

DANNY
Because we're charming.

MATT
Man...

DANNY
What now?

MATT
It's just with all this dialogue and all this walking, I'd hate to mess up a line and have to start over.

DANNY
I think I see what you mean.

MATT
The blocking for these scenes has got to be a real bitch. I'd hate to have to reset.

DANNY
Blocking?

MATT
Yeah, blocking. Come on, it's the precise movement and positioning of actors on a stage in order to facilitate the performance of a play, ballet, or opera. By extension, the term is sometimes used in the context of cinema to speak of the arrangement of actors in the frame. In this context, there is also a need to consider the movement of the camera as part of the blocking process (see Cinematography).

DANNY
Oh, yeah. Can't be easy on a show like this.

MATT
No.

DANNY
Where'd you get all that?

MATT
Wikipedia.

DANNY
Wicked.

MATT
Yeah, it's hard enough for us to get our walking path and all our lines right, but it's got to be doubly hard for the bear.

DANNY
The bear?

MATT
Yeah, the bear.

DANNY
What bear.

Enter BEAR

BEAR
Rrrrooooowr!

MATT
Rrrrooooowr?

BEAR
Rrrrooooowr!

The BEAR eats both MATT and DANNY.

The End.
- posted by Pops @ 9:26 PM