Make A Joyful Noise
From the Prayer Journal of Raylene Wynette Silverstone, Age 19, of Little Portnoy, Oklahoma. Obtained and reprinted without permission. You should really watch what you post online.

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Friday, December 15, 2006

Dear Jesus,


I am so conflicted, Lord. I try to follow Your path, but sometimes it is almost impossible to know what it is You want from me. These last couple of days have been very trying. I'm almost as confused as that time last summer when I was dating that life guard and he wanted to put his... you know... in my... you know and I didn't know what to say because technically, if I let him, he would be happy and love me forever and You would still be pleased because, medically, I'd still be a virgin. But then even after I let him, he ditched me for that slut Arlene Vance and to this day I still can't sit right. I guess that's about what I should have expected to happen.

I know now more than ever that what You do You do for a reason. Like when You make horrible freaks of nature, sometimes even they can do some good in the world, even if it is only for the fishes. The next time I see that girl Bonita with the one stumpy arm, I'm totally going to hug her and thank her and her kind for what they can do for the world.

But then there are times like when You let some Jew skater stop people from singing your praises.* Why would You let that happen, Lord? The only way that ever makes any sense to me is if it is a ploy by which she forsakes her people and her family and finds the Light in Your Holy Name, Jesus.

I also know that You couldn't have really wanted Democrats to control both Houses of Congress, Lord. I know I don't want to be forcibly impregnated by a gay illegal alien and then have an abortion. Because You know that's what they all want, those Democrats.

That's why I'm not really sure what to do, spiritually, about this senator with a brain-disease thing. I mean, I know it's not good to pray for people to die, but if it's Your will--and what could be more Your will than GOP control of one of the Houses of Congress?--I can't really find the spiritual strength to pray for his recovery either.

As usual, I am conflicted and confused. It's 9th grade Girl Scout sleepaway camp all over again.

Give me guidance.

In Your Holy Name,

Amen


PS- Still waiting for that pony. 11 years now. Just saying. Hallelujah.

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*=Riverside in da house! Represent, muthafuckas! National news!
- posted by Pops @ 9:28 AM