Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Sic Semper Tyrannis
While still not normal in the drudgery-and-every-day-bleeds-into-the-indistinguishable-suicidey-next sense, vacation is over now for the wife and elder sprogs, so we are at least approaching some semblance of the old blog-conducive routine.

If the last several Bucket-challenged days have been difficult for you, I apologize. As an American, it is also my duty to--when apologizing--immediately offer excuses and shift blame elsewhere. I'm very sorry if my actions have caused anyone any kind of discomfort. But it's Jesus' fault. If He hadn't gone and been incarnated God Made Flesh and all that so that He could expiate sin and throw open the Gates of Heaven by the suffering and martyrdom of His death in your name,* we wouldn't be obligated to set aside some arbitrary day during the year in order to commemorate the carnal reality of His coming into being with the purchase of Bionicles and all Bionicle-related products. Which totally cuts into my blog time.

All I ask is that you spare me your misguided wrath. Want to get back at somebody? Don't stop being a Bucketeer. Nobody ever really stops being a Bucketeer anyway. That's what tracking software is for. If you want to exact revenge, get back at Jesus. Tell a lie. Eat a steak on a Friday. Pick a Deadly Sin and have at it. Go on, you were going to do sloth anyway. Let Him know you mean business. Because you know he's going to forgive you anyway. That's what He does. Infinite mercy. Loophole like a motherfucker.

My one regret in missing all this time is that I've been totally flaking out in the coverage of some real kick-ass news items. Like the way YouTube has finally realized the destiny it was always meant to fulfill in the dissemination of the Saddam Hussein execution video. Ultra-high-security of an event of the utmost geopolitical sensitivity thwarted by dude with cameraphone.

I mean, yeah, Dick in a Box was funny, but it's not car-bomb-and-civil-war funny.

This is the internet at its democratizing best: allowing us to see what the CIA wants us to see so that we might reach out and propagandize ourselves.

The tyrant is dead. Sure, it's grisly and horrible and should not be watched at work, especially not with the sound on, but it is your patriotic duty to watch the Saddam execution video and then marinate in a puddle of well-earned triumphalist smugness.

Do it. Watch it. Jesus wouldn't want you to.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 8.6


*=I write this assuming you are not a Jew. Or a Muslim. Or one of those shifty snake-handling Episcopalians.


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