Thursday, April 05, 2007
A Hunger Artist
Let's get the horrible, awful, no-good, very-bad news out of the way right up front: Sanjaya advanced on American Idol! Can you believe it?! I have no idea who this is and have still never seen the show, but apparently, this incident has National Tragedy written all over it. I haven't been this exercised about something I don't give a shit about since Twin Peaks.

The other, REAL bad news is this: no fresh Bucket tomorrow.

Tomorrow is Good Friday, what we in Catholic-land call a "Holy Day of Obligation". In practice, not so much on the "holy", real heavy on the "obligation".

I bitch about it, but you know, Muslims have to fast for a whole month during Ramadan. We only have two days per year that we're asked to fast (Ash Wednesday and Good Friday) and even then, it's really only for half a day until dinner, which we usually eat at about 11 am on fast-days. See, because then the fast is broken and it's right back to my regular diet of jalapeño poppers and cuba libres. But on Good Friday, they're jalapeño poppers and cuba libres for Jesus. An important distinction spiritually, but one that is lost on my gastrointestinal system. Most of my innards are agnostic at best.

My kids have a half day of school today and NO school tomorrow, which is, for those of us who value the luxury of waking without the aid of an alarm clock above diamonds or reputation, the best reason I can think of in favor of allowing just a little bit of Jesus into the public school classroom. Sure, the Shinto kids won't be taking the day off for the same reason, but I bet they'd still lay around and play PSP games all day anyway.

Lay around and play PSP games all day for Jesus. Without even realizing it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and gorge myself in preparation for tomorrow's privation. I'm like a camel, except instead of a hump on my back I have a certified American Male Dicky Doo and instead of life-sustaining water in it, I carry jalapeño poppers and..., you remember.

Easter is Sunday, so I'm thinking I'll be back here Tuesday at the latest. But CHECK EVERY DAY, AT LEAST SEVEN TIMES! It might pay off. Just think what would have happened if on the third day nobody thought to check Jesus' tomb. He would have risen from the dead and nobody would have noticed at all, there would be no Christianity and my kids would have to go to school tomorrow. It's an awesome responsibility, but I know you're up to it.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 9.5




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