Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Exploding Man
So what we were able to learn from last night's much-anticipated season finale of Heroes?

1) Bad guys with a clutch of super-powers that render them near-omnipotent can be made to lower their guard and not defend themselves for up to 20 seconds if the attacker can manage unexpectedly to call them by name from behind. It's a little known super-villain weakness, but it exists, right up there with total-plan-divulging just before the end and leaving super-heroes alone whilst attached to a supposedly inescapable, overly elaborate execution apparatus. Lame I know, but if it weren't for these things, super-villains could not otherwise be defeated. It is, as I've said before, similar to the way dogs would rule the earth if only they were not vulnerable to the fake-stick-throw ruse. Life finds a way.

2) No price is too much to pay for a DVR or TiVo device that will let you record something whilst (that's two!) watching something else simultaneously. This has been made eminently clear to me since 24 began in earnest in January and I've been watching Heroes on Tuesday mornings (hence the later-ish hour of this post appearing) from the semi-comfort of my non-couch-like office chair in front of my computer with the grainy video and the occasional hiccups in streaming that imbue the dialogue with an extra layer of tension and drama as we wait for the buffering thing to buffer, mid-syllable. What's going to happen is I'm going to clear all the 24 episodes I have backlogged, order the dual-channel device from my TV provider and the old single-channel deal I'm using now will be introduced to my good, good friend Mr. Ball Peen Hammer. That's not me being cute about one of my tools, that's actually the guy's name. He's really good at breaking stuff. Generally he uses a mallet.

3) People can do good all the time and make the right choices and suffer and sacrifice and struggle every minute of every day to maintain a sense of order and morality in a troubling, soul-eating world, but it's the smarmy snake-oil salesman with the capped teeth who gets to be the "hero" at the end just because he has a prostitute's sense of staging right at the climax. And no, I'm not talking about Newt Gingrich. Yet.

What the end of Heroes means is that the end of what has possibly been the best year of television in my lifetime is finally drawing to a conclusions. There are still two episodes of The Sopranos left for us to find out what happens in the final showdown between our hero Fatty McBald and his archenemy, Eyebrows Johnson. After that... my God, what do we do? How am I supposed to spend time with my wife if we're not watching, discussing or flaming each other on the message boards regarding Lost?

Social interaction not mediated by popular culture? What kind of marriage do the networks think this is? Welcome to Awkward City, population 2.

How many days until the new Bionic Woman starts?

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 6.4




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