Holy See!
Some days it's pretty easy to be Catholic. Among church-goers, we have a secret code name for these days: Monday thorugh Saturday. Those are the days we're not required to go to Mass, when we can sit on our fat asses indulging in five out of the Seven Deadly Sins (mix and match as you like... you can even double up, say two Lusts and three Gluttonies, just so long as your daily total stays below six) provided we show up for the one hour on Sundays, eat the crackers we're given and not fall asleep during the sermon. Such is the path to the kingdom of heaven.

Other days, however, being Catholic is slightly harder. Take yesterday for example when the Pope laid out his agenda for the year. Of course all the usual noise was made about continuing the church's work against hunger and violence and war and torture (blah blah blah, right?), but then His Holiness has to go and embarrass us all with his call to fight against abortion, stem cell research and--yes--gay marriage.

This Pope--my Pope--has decided to throw his Parkinson's-wracked body at last on top of the big gay marriage pile...

Wait, that didn't come out right. What I meant to say he finds himself coming up from behind in an attempt to insert himself...

This is not working out at all.

My basic point is that if Jerry Falwell has been there already, the ground is tainted. Nobody wants Falwell's sloppy seconds.

Of course with my Catholicized world-view, I tend to think the Pope has a little more moral authority than Jerry Falwell. I mean, JP2 suffers from a disease that could be helped by stem-cell research and still he staunchly opposes it. I guess you could call that principled. It takes alot of fortitude to know first hand what it is to suffer the ravages of a disease, to see some potential for a cure--however dim and distant--and still say to the people who will suffer Parkinson's long after he's dead and buried "Suck it up, you big babies. Take an aspirin or something."

As a Catholic myself, it's always been my position that my positions are my positions. Is that clear? Yes? Fantastic, let's move on.

No, what I mean is on these controversial issues, unless asked directly in a specific situation, I'm going to keep it to myself, thanks very much. This includes not voting for or supporting candidates who manipulate moral positions into political ones for politics' sake. And that, boys and girls, is how pro-choice Catholics are made.

I won't bore you again with what I think about the logic of opposition to men marrying other men again, but suffice it to say: fuckers.

The worst part about this is that we're probably going to be burdened once again with the pasty, snarling face of Catholic League Chief Camera Whore... er sorry, President William Donohue spouting all kinds of sanctimony and nonsense purportedly (though not at all) on my behalf all over the talk-show circuit. He will no doubt be accepting everything the Pope says uncritically if not expounding and expanding, turning programmatic suggestion into hyperbolic blinkered zeal.

I have a question for Bill Donohue and the rest of his ilk: what's the point of believing in human free will if you're going to spend every waking minute of your life trying to suppress it to the guessed-at Will Of God? Isn't that an abomination in itself? It seems like it should be if it isn't. It sounds a lot worse than masturbation at any rate.

If you're flipping through the high-numbered channels on your cable system this week and you do happen to see Mr. Donohue, please remember he and his whole "League" are self-appointed and have no official church standing. Thank you.

And that's how we Catholics transfer our annoyance from the Pope to insignificant middling intermediaries. It's quite a gift. It's what keeps us from all turning Protestant.


This post on the Narcissus Scale: 8.3


Pops

- posted by Pops @ 9:58 AM