Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Disregard The Clown At Your Peril
Why is it that no one takes me seriously? Is it because I use a pseudonym? Seriously, you can tell me. Does the use of the name "Pops" automatically guarantee that you won't see me as anything other than a token old-man African-American character from a '70s TV show? Because that's kind of the image I was going for, so that's OK.

But that doesn't mean that the things I say shouldn't be understood as important or serious. Sure, I package the serious points amongst the jokes about how I hate foreigners and my insatiable appetite for porn, but in the middle of all that, there is some truth among the satire. For instance, the threat from non-English-speaking brown people and my insatiable appetite for porn.

Sometimes you have to know that the things I tell you people are not only true, but are essential for you to note for the sake of not only your own survival, but for the sake of America, the world and all humankind. You're thinking "doesn't 'the world' already include all of humankind?" to which I must say, don't be so fucking cold-hearted. Just because we sent them off in government-built space-arks on a several-hundred-year mission to colonize other solar systems back in the 1890s doesn't mean they aren't part of humanity. I think about them often and only pray that they have enough coal.

Despite my penchant for the occasional flight of imagination or rhetorical flourish in order to make a point, points are being made. Don't believe me? Remember just a week ago how I warned you all that the parents who kidnapped their daughter and tried to take her to a neighboring state for a forced abortion would lead to a crack-down in the Republican Congress to circumvent the liberal agenda of Forced Abortions For All?

Well, looky who all of a sudden has passed a law that makes transporting kids across state lines for the purposes of getting an abortion a crime... Hmm, timing seems mite curious, no? I mean, it's not like anyone you know or whose blog you obsessively/regularly/occasionally/accidentally/court-orderedly read had predicted anything like this happening, right?

Come on. You have to give me some credit here. What other reason would they have for passing this "law"? I mean, they're saying it's illegal to take a person from one state where the thing sought to be done is legal to another state to do the same legal thing.

Also, the implication in this law in its specific identification of minors as its object is that they think it's OK for grown people to abort unwanted children, but that minors should be forced by law to carry a child to term and give birth. Which, I'm sorry, I know these are the same people who like as much tangy arsenic as possible in our drinking water, but this is just fucking nuts.

So we are clearly past logic here. And you're thinking "Duh, this is obviously an election-year tactic in order to create a wedge issue so Republicans can trap Democrats on the issue of abortion in Republican-held seats in order to boost incumbent chances."

My God, but you are a cynic. Why would they need to do something like that when the incumbent retention rate is already something like 98%? Once elected to Congress, it's virtually impossible to be unseated. I don't know how these same people have been serving since 1789, but we're talking 98% here people. We're clearly stuck with them, even though several of them clearly must be zombies.

If brain-eating and generally being undead isn't enough to dislodge an incumbent, there must be something else behind the passage of this law. I said it before and I said it again, this is a "message" move. They want us to know that they're on to our plan to seize the presidency in 2008 and start the caravans of forced interstate kidnappings and abortions. If we were wise, we'd adapt to survive, take a new tack, adjust to the new political reality. But we're Democrats. We've already bought the vans.

This post on the Narcissus Scale: 8.0



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